As controversial as that may be. But honestly, I really can't say, after getting myself off that suboxone and benzos, how successful I really would have been at anything I've accomplished since then without both of these meds. And when I think about it, after the little I've learned about how the brain operates, the chemical structures and imbalances and how drugs (and the process of addiction), all work, it actually does make sense. I think I was simply proactive, expedient, and dare I say had the benefit of rationale and intelligence on my side, when it came to "putting myself back together" after getting off those drugs, and then getting on 2 completely different ones pretty much right after to help the effects of getting off those other ones. It all really does make sense. Is it cheating? Maybe...? In a small sort of way? I guess there'd be plenty of people who would see me being on the Adderall as a huge "NO-NO", a big violation of being "truly sober" and "drug-free", but (and while I know I definitely abused it like any old drug at the beginning), I eventually wised up with it and have taken the same amount (at roughly the same time--that's always hard to do) every day...Idk. I also consume a lot of caffeine. Which I have discovered is basically an addiction in its own less dangerous, more prevalent, and legal way. So have I basically "swapped addictions", and am technically still an active addict, simply expressing my addictive behaviors in a more socially acceptable, (more social period), productive, healthy way? Maybe. I guess that's a way to look at it, yes. But before I even got into drugs, I was depressed and anxious, and now I seem to have not only gotten past that (mostly opiate) substance addiction problem, but also very much helped the depression/anxiety problem as well (in the process)...so yeah, it's all pretty much been a process, as I've realized now. And I think I've pretty much accepted it. If "being sober" and "not being depressed/anxious" means taking an SSRI combined with a stimulant, then so be it. I've felt better, happier, and more normal pretty much more than I've ever felt in my life. So be it. So I'll go to this advisor meeting tomorrow, with as much annoyance, frustration, lack of motivation and skepticism as I may truly feel deep down, knowing that at this point in my life, as a result of the experiences I've had and the choices I've made, this is simply where it has led, it's not all that bad of an outcome, the meeting itself shouldn't really take all that long, it's in St. Paul, where I am now LIVING, and honestly what else would you be doing anyway? Yes, things are "completely within my control" now, but only up to a certain extent, from moment-to-moment, day-to-day, week-to-week-, month-to-month, year-to-year. School offers some discipline and structure, it'd be ridiculous to just quit now after all the money that's now been put towards it, and not to mention WASTED, in the efforts of obtaining a simple little bachelor's degree.