*
Dreams of Tristan last night, beers in a small basement apartment, an outdoor party in a park I've seen in dreams before, with everyone EVERYONE from my past. Toss and turn, I slept for eight hours but feel as though I lay my head down for one.
Thoughts of him, draining and painful. I don't want to be dreaming of him while I slumber next to Shae. Shae's arms and bare chest against my bare back never felt so warm; my heart's freezing up from lack of use.
"It's bitter baby, but it's very sweet. I'm on a roller coaster but I'm on my feet."
It's killing me in morning hours spent alone, I can see his face and his smile, I can feel the butterflies that grin gave me once. I don't want to be wanting, yet I can't seem to stop the images of him and his stupid fucking giant freckle marking the tip of his nose. A trip to my island impending, looming up Friday: Kay wants to hit the bars in his town. Terrified, horrified, of seeing him and his damn new girl. What could I possibly say? I'll clam up and be awkward. He'll feel justified.
And I'll just proceed to get blackout drunk though my funds don't really allow that at a bar.
This, and Shae and I just passed one year. And our baby passed two months ago.
The guilt of her, sharpest dagger-like teeth clenching tight, clamped around my conscience.
Dreams of Tristan last night, beers in a small basement apartment, an outdoor party in a park I've seen in dreams before, with everyone EVERYONE from my past. Toss and turn, I slept for eight hours but feel as though I lay my head down for one.
Thoughts of him, draining and painful. I don't want to be dreaming of him while I slumber next to Shae. Shae's arms and bare chest against my bare back never felt so warm; my heart's freezing up from lack of use.
"It's bitter baby, but it's very sweet. I'm on a roller coaster but I'm on my feet."
It's killing me in morning hours spent alone, I can see his face and his smile, I can feel the butterflies that grin gave me once. I don't want to be wanting, yet I can't seem to stop the images of him and his stupid fucking giant freckle marking the tip of his nose. A trip to my island impending, looming up Friday: Kay wants to hit the bars in his town. Terrified, horrified, of seeing him and his damn new girl. What could I possibly say? I'll clam up and be awkward. He'll feel justified.
And I'll just proceed to get blackout drunk though my funds don't really allow that at a bar.
This, and Shae and I just passed one year. And our baby passed two months ago.
The guilt of her, sharpest dagger-like teeth clenching tight, clamped around my conscience.
