well, i guess lately it's all about happiness. what makes me happy, what doesn't make me happy, what defines happiness, how i share happiness, how i might make others happy. every day when i pick up nathan from school i carry his bookbag to the car for him. yesterday he said, "thanks, mom, for doing that every day. it's really nice". and he meant it. alex told me last night that he had a collage that was due tomorrow...turns out that it was due last week and he didn't do it. rather than give him a hard time or lecture him about responsibility, i helped him with his project. we had a great time. we talked about the topic of his collage and examined the idea of social consciousness and what it means on a personal, local, and international level. he said many times afterward what fun it was to work together. i connected with my kids today. i made them happy and they returned it in spades. and it was perfect.
i have a neighbour who i don't know very well, but whenever we bump into one another outside we have a lovely chat. she's bright, cheerful, a little exotic, creative, and she's nice to my kids. i think that she's going through a hard time. her husband told me that she is currently unemployed and is generally housebound while he is at work every day. i can see her house through my window every day. i am home every day too, since i am on sabbatical. and though i have the best of intentions, i haven't yet gone over to visit her; to bring her muffins, coffee, or even a tub of ice cream. i know that she'd love to have the company, and i'd love to see her, so why do i keep avoiding it or making excuses for not doing it? i think it's because i am generally shy (contrary to popular belief) and am insecure about my self-confidence. i have friends, but i have very few, if any, truly close friends. i lost my best friend. and i sometimes feel that along with losing her i lost the ability to make new friends. i am afraid to lose a close friend again, so therefore i subconsciously prevent myself from getting too close to anyone.
i think that's why i want a dog so badly. so i won't feel lonely anymore.
i have a neighbour who i don't know very well, but whenever we bump into one another outside we have a lovely chat. she's bright, cheerful, a little exotic, creative, and she's nice to my kids. i think that she's going through a hard time. her husband told me that she is currently unemployed and is generally housebound while he is at work every day. i can see her house through my window every day. i am home every day too, since i am on sabbatical. and though i have the best of intentions, i haven't yet gone over to visit her; to bring her muffins, coffee, or even a tub of ice cream. i know that she'd love to have the company, and i'd love to see her, so why do i keep avoiding it or making excuses for not doing it? i think it's because i am generally shy (contrary to popular belief) and am insecure about my self-confidence. i have friends, but i have very few, if any, truly close friends. i lost my best friend. and i sometimes feel that along with losing her i lost the ability to make new friends. i am afraid to lose a close friend again, so therefore i subconsciously prevent myself from getting too close to anyone.
i think that's why i want a dog so badly. so i won't feel lonely anymore.
