September 24, 2012
Memories consume me like a plague, like a dream, like an avalanche, like a gently falling snow - the first snow of winter.
Memories render me useless to the present.
I live in the past because you are in my past; you have chosen not to exist in my present.
You say this secures our future. I'm not sure if this secures our future.
Will you love me tomorrow? Did you love me today? Because once, you did. You did love me, as I loved you. It was a love you cannot deny, though I know you wouldn't try to. It would be a useless effort.
It would be an effort as useless as I feel.
I am not alive, I am waiting. I could be so alive, but I am waiting.
I have tried to be alive, but there is a cancer of fear that grows with the waiting, with the not hearing, with the uncertainty and distraction.
I say distraction, but there is none. They give me papers, projects, quizzes and tests. They become my friends, some of them my best friends. We do fun things, we laugh, we cry, we experience the prime of life together. But you are not here, with me. Not just physically or geographically, but in spirit either.
For now, you are gone.
I cannot forget that fact.
It consumes me.
It renders me useless.
~FIN~
Memories consume me like a plague, like a dream, like an avalanche, like a gently falling snow - the first snow of winter.
Memories render me useless to the present.
I live in the past because you are in my past; you have chosen not to exist in my present.
You say this secures our future. I'm not sure if this secures our future.
Will you love me tomorrow? Did you love me today? Because once, you did. You did love me, as I loved you. It was a love you cannot deny, though I know you wouldn't try to. It would be a useless effort.
It would be an effort as useless as I feel.
I am not alive, I am waiting. I could be so alive, but I am waiting.
I have tried to be alive, but there is a cancer of fear that grows with the waiting, with the not hearing, with the uncertainty and distraction.
I say distraction, but there is none. They give me papers, projects, quizzes and tests. They become my friends, some of them my best friends. We do fun things, we laugh, we cry, we experience the prime of life together. But you are not here, with me. Not just physically or geographically, but in spirit either.
For now, you are gone.
I cannot forget that fact.
It consumes me.
It renders me useless.
~FIN~
