know for sure if it was her father's death or the slippery slope she started upon entering college. Was it her lack of self esteem, anxiety, an alcoholic gene, her rough child life. But whatever it is, like many many others she felt succumbed to the effects of alcohol.
Oh she knew better, often shed want to not drink for she knew it was a detriment to her emotional health. But, in the moment it always felt right. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow right?
So, it gets worse, a long line of alcoholism resides in both sides of her family. Including her older brother and grandfather whom would become abusive while drinking. And yet she went ahead.
The funny thing about it is, part of her turning to alcohol could have a good deal to do with trying to tune out/forget those painful memories. You see, Anne. The dreamer, fills her world with all things sweet and lovely. She envisions a world of lady like demeanor, elegance and peace. A great way to keep up this denial or envision is to drink herself there. Ironically, the exact opposite behavior of her dream world.
As the drinking continued, the holidays were soon approaching and with them came a new evil. She became bulimic. As though, trying anyway possible to harm herself. She was sick with grief, though know one would know it. She tried helplessly to read the bible and help herself. It was a loosing game. Eventually the bulimia stopped it became too hard to keep up with around family. Once anyone became suspicious of her habits she would do anything she could to hide them. And with that, she turned to food. Food and alcohol and gained a good 40 pounds in the next year and a half. Oh if she was ever depressed before, the weight was now a symbol of it and so much more. The girl was trapped. Stubborn as the day is long, needing help so bad, swearing to herself she could do it alone. But here she is day after day not doing a damn thing about it.
The only thing she felt she could do was run away. But she won't. She refuses to start somewhere new and lovely this fucked up. So she stays persistent upon getting better in every way possible. She moved home voluntarily to live with her mom, hoping this would put her in line.
Oh she knew better, often shed want to not drink for she knew it was a detriment to her emotional health. But, in the moment it always felt right. Worry about tomorrow, tomorrow right?
So, it gets worse, a long line of alcoholism resides in both sides of her family. Including her older brother and grandfather whom would become abusive while drinking. And yet she went ahead.
The funny thing about it is, part of her turning to alcohol could have a good deal to do with trying to tune out/forget those painful memories. You see, Anne. The dreamer, fills her world with all things sweet and lovely. She envisions a world of lady like demeanor, elegance and peace. A great way to keep up this denial or envision is to drink herself there. Ironically, the exact opposite behavior of her dream world.
As the drinking continued, the holidays were soon approaching and with them came a new evil. She became bulimic. As though, trying anyway possible to harm herself. She was sick with grief, though know one would know it. She tried helplessly to read the bible and help herself. It was a loosing game. Eventually the bulimia stopped it became too hard to keep up with around family. Once anyone became suspicious of her habits she would do anything she could to hide them. And with that, she turned to food. Food and alcohol and gained a good 40 pounds in the next year and a half. Oh if she was ever depressed before, the weight was now a symbol of it and so much more. The girl was trapped. Stubborn as the day is long, needing help so bad, swearing to herself she could do it alone. But here she is day after day not doing a damn thing about it.
The only thing she felt she could do was run away. But she won't. She refuses to start somewhere new and lovely this fucked up. So she stays persistent upon getting better in every way possible. She moved home voluntarily to live with her mom, hoping this would put her in line.
