5/23
I guess it's the first time I've been away from home. The first time I've really been away to a new place with new people with new everything. I didn't expect it would be like this, be lonely. I thought being out on my
own would be exhilarating, freeing, I could fly.
but i'm trapped and I can feel the tears
follow your dreams
there's a magnet on the microwave that says "jump and the net will appear." I jumped. I'm waiting. my heart hurts though. it pools up and the only place for it to come out is through my eyes and then what?
push through, right? keep trucking, don't give up.
people are the most important, I know that. it is more apparent every day. I'm lonely and I'm doing what I've always wanted but I'm lonely and I hate it.
It's ok I know I know everyone that loved me still does but I can't see them, smell them, touch them, hold them, kiss and hug them can't sit down to coffee with them from here.
i miss it incredibly and i'm torn. I'm torn between me and i guess me.
i'm torn between following my dreams and doing what makes me happy
it's easy to give advice but they don't tell you about the conflicting advice. they forget about the part where everythign doesn't line up perfectly in the fairytale. they were right about the prince, though.
the book I'm reading says, "what is happiness if it's not shared" and i think that's the problem. maybe i'm too impatient. maybe the people will come. i guess i was expecting instant friends because i've always had friends, acquaintances, everywhere I've gone. i've always followed people, not whims. i thought following whims would be more whimsical.
i was wrong and for the first time, i will gladly admit that others were right. but there's a little part of me that's glad i'm here, too. i know home would be different, and as much as i might want to rewind and spend summer at home with friends like it used to be, home is different, friends are moving on, and this place feels oddly right, maybe a necessary roadblock. i think. but i also think if i'm not happy that maybe it's wrong. where is that balancing point? yeah, balance again. the point between dreams and happy and when will realizing your dreams make you happy or should you stick with what makes you happy? i'm rambling now, but rambling makes me feel better, gives me a small purpose.
I guess it's the first time I've been away from home. The first time I've really been away to a new place with new people with new everything. I didn't expect it would be like this, be lonely. I thought being out on my
own would be exhilarating, freeing, I could fly.
but i'm trapped and I can feel the tears
follow your dreams
there's a magnet on the microwave that says "jump and the net will appear." I jumped. I'm waiting. my heart hurts though. it pools up and the only place for it to come out is through my eyes and then what?
push through, right? keep trucking, don't give up.
people are the most important, I know that. it is more apparent every day. I'm lonely and I'm doing what I've always wanted but I'm lonely and I hate it.
It's ok I know I know everyone that loved me still does but I can't see them, smell them, touch them, hold them, kiss and hug them can't sit down to coffee with them from here.
i miss it incredibly and i'm torn. I'm torn between me and i guess me.
i'm torn between following my dreams and doing what makes me happy
it's easy to give advice but they don't tell you about the conflicting advice. they forget about the part where everythign doesn't line up perfectly in the fairytale. they were right about the prince, though.
the book I'm reading says, "what is happiness if it's not shared" and i think that's the problem. maybe i'm too impatient. maybe the people will come. i guess i was expecting instant friends because i've always had friends, acquaintances, everywhere I've gone. i've always followed people, not whims. i thought following whims would be more whimsical.
i was wrong and for the first time, i will gladly admit that others were right. but there's a little part of me that's glad i'm here, too. i know home would be different, and as much as i might want to rewind and spend summer at home with friends like it used to be, home is different, friends are moving on, and this place feels oddly right, maybe a necessary roadblock. i think. but i also think if i'm not happy that maybe it's wrong. where is that balancing point? yeah, balance again. the point between dreams and happy and when will realizing your dreams make you happy or should you stick with what makes you happy? i'm rambling now, but rambling makes me feel better, gives me a small purpose.
