The moment when I first admitted to Glenn that I was a coward was the moment everything changed. It happened in the first or second visit with him. I was sitting in the chair facing him facing me and I was talking and he was asking me questions and at some point, in answering one of his questions, I felt a part of myself awaken. The question was not profound in itself but was simple... something like "what do you think is the reason why you are not happy in your social relations?" and that's when I said it. I'm a coward.
It was not like a single transcendental experience in that very moment but I think the transformation happened over a couple weeks. This experience goes beyond words but it was like all the memories I had belonged to a former me and the new me, the real me, was experiencing these memories one at a time as they came to me. I was no longer able to maintain this blase facade like I could before. I could no longer hide my feelings and I was quite a raw nerve. He awakened the depth within me to the world outside me and this new me was terrified of this new world. He suggested I not go off to college but I didn't listen. You would think I would listen to him since he just opened up my soul but I guess I was still doing my own thing partly.
I stayed in contact with him through e-mail while attending college and those emails held all the certainty I needed. I asked him for some book recommendations since I wanted to learn now that I knew I was sort of crazy and needed help. I was afraid of everyone, afraid of looking like a fool, and I knew I chose the wrong path, that I would most likely choose the wrong path as soon as I walked out of his office that faithful day. He said, "this is the golden moment" and whether he explained it to me or I just knew, I had to make a choice. Should I trust this new self? ...which emerged from the unknown and was my true self. Or should I continue following my old ways and try to still hide and manipulate and present my long cultivated routines to everyone?
I chose to hide and I sunk back into my false self and only through more sessions with Glenn did I discover that I in fact did sink back into my false self for I awakened again to my true self. Again I awakened and had the same experience as before, only now I was aware of my false self and the whole strangeness of the awakening process was no longer there. I didn't even know I sunk back. It was like
It was not like a single transcendental experience in that very moment but I think the transformation happened over a couple weeks. This experience goes beyond words but it was like all the memories I had belonged to a former me and the new me, the real me, was experiencing these memories one at a time as they came to me. I was no longer able to maintain this blase facade like I could before. I could no longer hide my feelings and I was quite a raw nerve. He awakened the depth within me to the world outside me and this new me was terrified of this new world. He suggested I not go off to college but I didn't listen. You would think I would listen to him since he just opened up my soul but I guess I was still doing my own thing partly.
I stayed in contact with him through e-mail while attending college and those emails held all the certainty I needed. I asked him for some book recommendations since I wanted to learn now that I knew I was sort of crazy and needed help. I was afraid of everyone, afraid of looking like a fool, and I knew I chose the wrong path, that I would most likely choose the wrong path as soon as I walked out of his office that faithful day. He said, "this is the golden moment" and whether he explained it to me or I just knew, I had to make a choice. Should I trust this new self? ...which emerged from the unknown and was my true self. Or should I continue following my old ways and try to still hide and manipulate and present my long cultivated routines to everyone?
I chose to hide and I sunk back into my false self and only through more sessions with Glenn did I discover that I in fact did sink back into my false self for I awakened again to my true self. Again I awakened and had the same experience as before, only now I was aware of my false self and the whole strangeness of the awakening process was no longer there. I didn't even know I sunk back. It was like
