Today began with a feeling of irritation. Some days just start out that way. There is nothing particularly irritating that happens but just a general, vague feeling that things are not just right. Before I would identify with this feeling and either think to myself that something is not right with me or something is not right with someone else. Maybe there was a touch of "persecution" in that irritating feeling like someone was out to "get me." That normally meant that I would be on the defensive or the offensive ready for the perceived attack, looking for the moment when it would strike. I was ready.
But today was different. I noticed that the feeling was there. I remembered some irritating things that had been said the evening before but recognized that they were not meant as an attack but as information. I knew that but the feeling of "irritation" was definitely there. So I just noticed it and did not identify with it. As I drove to work I just thought to myself, "There is that feeling just rumbling around me. It is not me but it is still there. I think I will just watch it for a while." And so as I drove, I watched the feeling just sit there. It did not grow, or go away but it just sat there. And so I decided to let it just sit there. And amazingly that is all it did.
Now unfortunately it did not go away and so it followed me around for a while. At times I even forgot it was there but then at moments it would come back particularly when something was said that I didn't like or there was something I would have to do that I didn't like. I wanted so badly to blame someone for something to attach a meaning, purpose or cause to this nasty little irritating feeling as if followed me around.
At one point in the day it got me in its grips as I went over in my mind - I mean over and over and over in my mind - I mean like a dryer turning clothes over and over and getting hotter and hotter in my mind - something that someone said during a meeting. I knew what they intended and it had an edge to it, probably meant to make a point about something. But I noticed the blaming there and I noticed the "feeling" was starting to move in as if it belonged to me, as if it was an actual part of me and it wanted me to say or think so badly, so desperately, "I am . . . ." But just in the nick of time I stopped. I stepped back. I saw the feeling there. I just watched it for a while and it just sat there, but it didn't come in.
The day continued on and the feeling just sat and watched me. I thought that was OK. Slowly the day progressed and I noticed that the feeling became fainter and fainter but
But today was different. I noticed that the feeling was there. I remembered some irritating things that had been said the evening before but recognized that they were not meant as an attack but as information. I knew that but the feeling of "irritation" was definitely there. So I just noticed it and did not identify with it. As I drove to work I just thought to myself, "There is that feeling just rumbling around me. It is not me but it is still there. I think I will just watch it for a while." And so as I drove, I watched the feeling just sit there. It did not grow, or go away but it just sat there. And so I decided to let it just sit there. And amazingly that is all it did.
Now unfortunately it did not go away and so it followed me around for a while. At times I even forgot it was there but then at moments it would come back particularly when something was said that I didn't like or there was something I would have to do that I didn't like. I wanted so badly to blame someone for something to attach a meaning, purpose or cause to this nasty little irritating feeling as if followed me around.
At one point in the day it got me in its grips as I went over in my mind - I mean over and over and over in my mind - I mean like a dryer turning clothes over and over and getting hotter and hotter in my mind - something that someone said during a meeting. I knew what they intended and it had an edge to it, probably meant to make a point about something. But I noticed the blaming there and I noticed the "feeling" was starting to move in as if it belonged to me, as if it was an actual part of me and it wanted me to say or think so badly, so desperately, "I am . . . ." But just in the nick of time I stopped. I stepped back. I saw the feeling there. I just watched it for a while and it just sat there, but it didn't come in.
The day continued on and the feeling just sat and watched me. I thought that was OK. Slowly the day progressed and I noticed that the feeling became fainter and fainter but
