I scoured every little part of my room. Twice. And it's nowhere to be found. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I black out around him and fiddle with things and fidget with my clothes and feet and fingers. I don't look at him for more than 10 seconds at a time. I took three out of five and left the three on my desk. I know I did. And now the three is gone. I know it's not my fault. We were the only people that were in my room and he was the only person that was alone in my room at all. I feel like he would pull a horrible practical joke like that just to get back at me for taking his orange lighter that is "very clearly orange." (It's a blue Bic lighter that he carved ORANGE into with his knife. When he left it, I put a little label on it that said "finders keepers" because I found it and I wanted to keep it. I knew that he would ask for it back, though, so even though I told everyone it was mine and it's finders keepers, I still kept tabs on it. If I lost it, it might make him slightly annoyed at me for standing my ground.)
I can't find it. I can't get in touch with him to tell me where it is. I'm scared that I'm the one that lost it because I'm such a girl that I completely blacked out when I talk to a cute boy. I don't know if the pain in my gut is from bloating from my period, hunger from not eating today, bloating from eating too much yesterday after he left, or if it's actually because I'm so nervous that I lost it that my abdomen is going to take it out on me. Honestly, until I know what happened to it, I deserve it. Although, I KNOW he took it. I know it. It can't just disappear, and I looked everywhere. I looked everywhere that I thought to look, I mean. I feel like he's a little smarter now about hiding things than I am. He probably stored it very carefully under my dresser, which is really heavy, or under my fridge, maybe way under my mattress? I feel like I'm getting somewhat good at this, so I thought the places that I looked were perfect hiding places. There must be someplace really plain where he put it and I'm just too stupid to think that it's there. I guess that's it. I must be stupid.
But it could also be the case that he has no idea and that it disappeared into thin air because I didn't put it away as soon as I got it. I took three out, threw the other two back to him, he tied it up, and I put the three down on the desk because I then sat down on the floor and played with my pants and didn't look at him at all while I was trying to figure out what I was trying to say. It was on the desk. He hid it from me because he's a child. I hate him.