I am not the most attractive guy in the world, I know this. I am not one of the 'lads', I don't go to the gym to work on my appearance, I don't do weights full stop. I don't have perfect teeth. The only part of my body that I feel comfortable about is my hair, I can sculpt it in a second to my own liking, it doesn't take hours in the gym, or hours in the library, or hours anywhere, just a can of hair-spray and a mirror. I don't have the confidence that I see these guys have on a night out, I get in a nervous sweat just thinking about speaking to an attractive girl. When I do, I'm probably half-cut and will definitely not remember doing so in the morning, which can only mean that it went horribly. I don't do chat up lines. Maybe that is why when a girl offers herself to me like she did, a real relationship, I had no idea how to react. Did i panic and tell her the first excuse that happened to be on my mind, probably, but even I can't work that one out. Or did I tell her the truth. Either way, I can't help but feel that those few minutes were life-changing, and I will never be able to change the outcome. Through tear-gilded eyes I write this, insecure in myself, and knowing that I have probably ruined my future.
It can't just be me that sees that we are perfect for each other? I dream of her and am bitterly disappointed with myself for not making it a reality. The one thing that is etched in my mind is that kiss in the rain. That fateful kiss in the late spring rain, as we sat there and I made a nonchalant remark that only she could find funny, sparking that infectious laugh that follows her about. Her smile, that of a thousand rays of sunshine glimmering through the blue, unclouded sky, it met mine. My remark had served its purpose. "Kiss me.", she enforced, and, for once, I wasn't an idiot, I kissed her. And like the movies it was magic. I never knew why Singing in the Rain is one of my favourites, but at that moment I felt as though I should have started singing and dancing around lampposts.
Moments like this are a double-edged sword, they evoke two contrasting emotions within me. Pure apathy towards myself for not capturing that moment, making her mine with a thousand more to come. Yet, because of me, because of my reluctance to open up, I am sat here in tears. Afraid that that feeling will never come again.
It can't just be me that sees that we are perfect for each other? I dream of her and am bitterly disappointed with myself for not making it a reality. The one thing that is etched in my mind is that kiss in the rain. That fateful kiss in the late spring rain, as we sat there and I made a nonchalant remark that only she could find funny, sparking that infectious laugh that follows her about. Her smile, that of a thousand rays of sunshine glimmering through the blue, unclouded sky, it met mine. My remark had served its purpose. "Kiss me.", she enforced, and, for once, I wasn't an idiot, I kissed her. And like the movies it was magic. I never knew why Singing in the Rain is one of my favourites, but at that moment I felt as though I should have started singing and dancing around lampposts.
Moments like this are a double-edged sword, they evoke two contrasting emotions within me. Pure apathy towards myself for not capturing that moment, making her mine with a thousand more to come. Yet, because of me, because of my reluctance to open up, I am sat here in tears. Afraid that that feeling will never come again.
