Red wine gives me a lot of comfort and stress-relieved feelings. I saw her. For 4 days. She called in sick. We stayed in a different hotel every night. This is not an understatement: I had the time of my life. Although she expressed so much love and emotion for me, more than anyone ever has before, I cannot help but feel like I look up to her. Because I love her so much, it must be more. I feel like I am below her in terms of how much I feel for her. I have a child, she knows this. She was in a relationship. Her boyfriend lives in Korea. Jun, I saw his picture. She does not want him. She wants me. I am in a breaking long-term relationship. She thought it was over...But it does still exist. I want it to end though. I want to travel across the world to be with this woman. Who does this to me? I want to marry her! And have a child! These thought came so easily and quickly with such little hesitation. How can I deny them?
Arriving back at my apartment, I was so depressed. The train ride home from my venture of lust and love was so exciting. Two hours to contemplate, think, digest and allow to flourish my happy thoughts. I was higher than I ever have been. I must have crashed when I got home. I am a changed man. I hate not being around her.
My breakfast here in Japan, I look forward to. There is a small wooden shack that sells produce from a small farm 3 or 4 feet behind it. I have only seen the owner once. An old, frail and very tiny woman. She must have been running it for decades. You pick your veggies and throw change in a box. For me its carrots and sweet potatoes. Slice them and boil them. No salt or pepper, nothing. It makes me happy. A quick cheer up. I am getting away from my materialistic ways I feel. Food so simple is great to me.
I received a request to write more of these pages. I dont like that. My writing is influenced in a way that is not genuine. Like guitar. I can only really play alone. I can perform in front of people but cannot stop thinking about what 'they' want to hear. It is so much not about that.
Ok will I see her again? I hope. I hope she can bear one more weekend. I will go to her but I do not wish for her to come here. Too many American men to distract her..If that was an envious statement...well than it was. I care.
Arriving back at my apartment, I was so depressed. The train ride home from my venture of lust and love was so exciting. Two hours to contemplate, think, digest and allow to flourish my happy thoughts. I was higher than I ever have been. I must have crashed when I got home. I am a changed man. I hate not being around her.
My breakfast here in Japan, I look forward to. There is a small wooden shack that sells produce from a small farm 3 or 4 feet behind it. I have only seen the owner once. An old, frail and very tiny woman. She must have been running it for decades. You pick your veggies and throw change in a box. For me its carrots and sweet potatoes. Slice them and boil them. No salt or pepper, nothing. It makes me happy. A quick cheer up. I am getting away from my materialistic ways I feel. Food so simple is great to me.
I received a request to write more of these pages. I dont like that. My writing is influenced in a way that is not genuine. Like guitar. I can only really play alone. I can perform in front of people but cannot stop thinking about what 'they' want to hear. It is so much not about that.
Ok will I see her again? I hope. I hope she can bear one more weekend. I will go to her but I do not wish for her to come here. Too many American men to distract her..If that was an envious statement...well than it was. I care.
