It is June 26th, 2015, 4:46 as I write this. It's been awhile since the last time I have written. I don't know why I am even up. Yeah I do.. Coffee. I just finished the movie, Comet, starring Emmy Rossum. I made a new friend a couple days ago. His name is Ryan. He is very intellectual and reminded me a lot of Philip. We do nothing but talk about stupid stuff like the Confederate Flag. Philip, on the other hand.. it's still good. He told me something that confused me.

Philip: Come on you I know I like you and you know I like you too

What does that even mean? Is he confessing his "dying love" to me?
I feel like he is the reason why I cant get in a relationship. Me and Cole have been talking for months now and He is a good looking fellow but dear god, he is a moron. I don't know why I still talk to him. Maybe because I like the company of having someone around. We all know that if Philip ever asked me out, I would drop every guy's ass.

Lately, I've been staying up a lot. Yeah I know, It's summer!!". Well yeah, it is summer but I've never stayed up like this. These past few weeks have been depressing at night. I feel like the lowest person on the earth. Being on twitter makes me feel bad about everything after following Lexi4Pres's account. I never realized how cruel the world is.

Mom and Dad also hit me with some bad news a few weeks ago too. That trip to Vietnam that I've been wanting to go so bad- not because it was my "country" but because I wanted to leave and explore= got cancelled because it was interfering with my school/ Funny. becuase school nver fucking replied whether it would interfere or not. Im not sure who i am more disappointed of.

I don't know. It's just been hard latly. I can't count how many times I've already thought about suicide, hah.