But I'm essentially having trouble with separating my "current self" from my "past self"...it's probably just all too soon, and "fresh." I can try just think, oh well look at you now, and look at how everyone else looks at you (who doesn't know where you've been): you're just a transfer student at the U of M, living AND working on-campus, with a top-notch law student Marine boyfriend...ummm, yeah. Has definitely NOT always been that way. I mean, with the way I study/do hw now (which I actually feel isn't even near enough or up-to-par with what I could/should be doing), and the way I barely even DRINK let alone not touch any drugs (well except for the ones I'm prescribed to, which I am pretty religious and strict about taking, and they happen to be a big reason why I barely drink anymore too), PLUS the boyfriend I have, people would probably look at me (completely out-of-context of course), and think...man, that girl sure is "with it"...hell, they might even consider me a "goody-two-shoes" uptight prude. Well...maybe that's going a bit too far. But still,,,worlds away from where/what/who I was before. I guess being in a relatively "clear" frame-of-mind for (as strange as it is to admit to myself) the first time in really about 5-6 years when I consider the time-frame of when I started drugs, and how I really never had much of a significant lapse of time not being on anything, whether it was pot, H, suboxone, Ativan...I have now actually given myself the chance to really consider just what an impact and sorta "big deal" that really was, in relation to a lot of things. I don't have the regret or intense guilt that I held on to before really...just more-or-less fascination I guess. Almost like I'm one real-life, walking, talking, breathing social experiment...which I guess is partly why I'm a psych major, right? Perhaps I donated the last 5-6 years of my life to "science". Ha, ha. One way to look at it. Albeit an uncertain, indefinite, kinda/sorta subjective, "un-hard" social science...so I guess when I look at it that way, maybe it's really not that big of a deal. I just sometimes ponder what I'll do if the time ever came where I wanted to try have children...which I feel like I want less and less, though I don't know if it's because I'm on the meds that makes me not want them, or I don't want them because I'm on the meds...that sort of thing. All I know is that if I ever were to get pregnant, it definitely could NOT be while on these meds. And at this point I'm not real sure what it'd be like not being on them...