I've successfully alienated all my friends from my life. I don't tell anyone what is going on with my life. I just tell them the usual school and work nonsense and they don't think twice about questioning my response.

I am a creature of habit. I do this. More often than I would like to, but I do. I'm a hypocrite in saying that I don't want to do it, and I still do. I cannot help it. I have people to talk to, but I choose not to. Why should they have to listen to my problems? Everyone has their own problems and burdens to take care of. Let mine be mine. No?

It is an interesting feeling. Feeling alone. My idea of what the future will be like also changes when I get like this. When I look to the future, I see myself, alone perhaps a dog, living in a small town where I know most people and most people know me, but no really knows the real me. They just see who I show and that is enough for them. I have met people who care about who it is that is really beyond that exterior layer. Most of them are off doing their own thing and I'm just left here doing mine. Feeling alone, abandoned, like I will never have that connection I am looking for, yearning for so badly.

I want to leave, go somewhere where no one person knows me, and start a new life. Its a lot harder than it sounds. I know people will miss me, but if I am not content with the life I have, am I not entitled to pursue one that I will? Am I not entitled to be happy? But what makes me happy?

All good questions.

Thoughts, feelings, and such.