What a boat load of fuck. I spend my nights, lonely and bored, watching movies. I tend to think movies could be my life. Just nevermind. When I'm done watching movies I think.
And think.
And think more.
I start to think I'm going crazy. Thinking myself to death. Or I've been crazy all along. I wonder why I's are always capitalized. What is so fucking special about I. You tell me. It's not that I don't think i'm special. But I think more of why isn't YOU. I think you're special. Yes...but what would be fucking fantastic in my life full of FUCK and SHIT. (Not that I don't love life. Especially MY life. But shit and fuck happens. And it's happening to me at the moment. *Okay, Lee. Go on. Yes. I will, thank you.) If a guy just told me how wonderful I am. And how wonderful everything I do is just that, wonderful. And you're wondering!
"Why, Lee...how could you think of having a boyfriend in your life right now? You should focus on your fancy schmancy smart school! Boys are bad for the liver."
Damn fuck I won't. Well...I will focus on school. But I have a theory. (*Here she goes again! With her crazy theories!) I think, maybe, girls get so dependent on guys. They're stuck. Such as, if I have every problem in the world wrong with me. I go after either "The amazing rich guy with everything going but a personality and this relationship will end with two kids and a failed marriage and the start of alcohol abuse" or "The trashy assey kid who rocks out to trippy shit and has a wicked beard and the relationship will end with seven kids and two mortgages." And you ask again.
"LEE. What happened to happy endings and the average guy?"
Well, I don't know if they exist. I haven't found one yet.
One: My story isn't over
Two: I'm getting more anti-social by the minute.
(*the voice in my head speaks)
And think.
And think more.
I start to think I'm going crazy. Thinking myself to death. Or I've been crazy all along. I wonder why I's are always capitalized. What is so fucking special about I. You tell me. It's not that I don't think i'm special. But I think more of why isn't YOU. I think you're special. Yes...but what would be fucking fantastic in my life full of FUCK and SHIT. (Not that I don't love life. Especially MY life. But shit and fuck happens. And it's happening to me at the moment. *Okay, Lee. Go on. Yes. I will, thank you.) If a guy just told me how wonderful I am. And how wonderful everything I do is just that, wonderful. And you're wondering!
"Why, Lee...how could you think of having a boyfriend in your life right now? You should focus on your fancy schmancy smart school! Boys are bad for the liver."
Damn fuck I won't. Well...I will focus on school. But I have a theory. (*Here she goes again! With her crazy theories!) I think, maybe, girls get so dependent on guys. They're stuck. Such as, if I have every problem in the world wrong with me. I go after either "The amazing rich guy with everything going but a personality and this relationship will end with two kids and a failed marriage and the start of alcohol abuse" or "The trashy assey kid who rocks out to trippy shit and has a wicked beard and the relationship will end with seven kids and two mortgages." And you ask again.
"LEE. What happened to happy endings and the average guy?"
Well, I don't know if they exist. I haven't found one yet.
One: My story isn't over
Two: I'm getting more anti-social by the minute.
(*the voice in my head speaks)
