three weeks into the new school year, she found out the romance me and her boyfriend had. i did not know that she knew because she continued to talk to me. it wasnt until later that day, when i called him.
"she knows" one of the first things i did was cut myself. i couldnt handle the stress of her knowing. i wasnt sure of what to do next, but i knew i owed her an apology. the next day, i apologized and she said "its okay, and lets not talk about it ever again."
me and her were alright for most of the day until it was time for period 5, Biology. i was unfortunately grouped in a project with her. that day she had brought a double edge razor to school. she was making paper cuts on her hands. our other group member jokingly said "give me the blade im going to cut myself."
she actually gave him the blade and he held it across his skin. he did not cut himself but it was irritating me how he had it across his arm but was not doing anything with it. i grabbed the blade and said "let me do it." in my head i thought i deserved the pain for being such a terrible friend and with force i cut my left arm.
then time went slow and fast all at the same time. i cut my arm like i planned to, but what i did not plan was the deepness of the wound. in all the other times i have cut myself i used thick blades and they never did enough damage with the force i usually put. this blade though, was ultra thin so the force i used caused more damage. my arm started pouring blood. my fat cells were exposed and the skin on my arm was about 2 inches sperated from each other. the eyes of both of my groups members widen as did mine. i looked away and hoped it was not real, but when i looked again, it was still there. at first i was very calm and collected, but after a couple of minutes i started panicking. i started hyperventilating and was at lost at words, but i knew i had to pull myself together. after being in shock for about 30 seconds, my group member handed me his PE shirt. i wrapped it tight around my arm. i could feel my arm getting cold. i waited for the teacher to finish his lecture. he had not noticed the possible danger i was in. Less than 10 minutes after i sliced my arm open, the teacher finished his lecture. i got up calmly, and walked to him and simply asked to go the restroom. he wrote a pass and i was on my way. i looked inside the class room as the door was closing behind me. She and my other group member were staring at me, and i did the sign of the cross and worded them to pray for me.
"she knows" one of the first things i did was cut myself. i couldnt handle the stress of her knowing. i wasnt sure of what to do next, but i knew i owed her an apology. the next day, i apologized and she said "its okay, and lets not talk about it ever again."
me and her were alright for most of the day until it was time for period 5, Biology. i was unfortunately grouped in a project with her. that day she had brought a double edge razor to school. she was making paper cuts on her hands. our other group member jokingly said "give me the blade im going to cut myself."
she actually gave him the blade and he held it across his skin. he did not cut himself but it was irritating me how he had it across his arm but was not doing anything with it. i grabbed the blade and said "let me do it." in my head i thought i deserved the pain for being such a terrible friend and with force i cut my left arm.
then time went slow and fast all at the same time. i cut my arm like i planned to, but what i did not plan was the deepness of the wound. in all the other times i have cut myself i used thick blades and they never did enough damage with the force i usually put. this blade though, was ultra thin so the force i used caused more damage. my arm started pouring blood. my fat cells were exposed and the skin on my arm was about 2 inches sperated from each other. the eyes of both of my groups members widen as did mine. i looked away and hoped it was not real, but when i looked again, it was still there. at first i was very calm and collected, but after a couple of minutes i started panicking. i started hyperventilating and was at lost at words, but i knew i had to pull myself together. after being in shock for about 30 seconds, my group member handed me his PE shirt. i wrapped it tight around my arm. i could feel my arm getting cold. i waited for the teacher to finish his lecture. he had not noticed the possible danger i was in. Less than 10 minutes after i sliced my arm open, the teacher finished his lecture. i got up calmly, and walked to him and simply asked to go the restroom. he wrote a pass and i was on my way. i looked inside the class room as the door was closing behind me. She and my other group member were staring at me, and i did the sign of the cross and worded them to pray for me.
