There he comes late again, 30 minutes! I feel like I could jump and choke him, but the second he smiles "Good morning!" I just can't help but smile back, stupid heartbeat, this is university not high school! Perhaps there is something more to it, a 24 year old feeling this way...
Three years already, huh? I was trying hard to keep up with him, but he just kept pushing me, like it was a joke to him, but inside I knew I had strong feelings for him, hate to the point of wanting to force him my way like he would force me his.
Am I obsessed with sex?...Its just that I can't help it at all, I end up trying to impress him, and even hoping at some point to seduce him. I knew well, its not gonna happen, perhaps that's why I feel light and fluttery on the inside.
I think its just being restrained...by him, by the place, by my own mind. Bonds...He makes me walk up to the whiteboard, regardless of how many students are there, in a group of three of which only one shows up, its just me and him, perhaps having to walk in front of him makes nervous, even though I know he'll correct me, and I will be able to start again. Perhaps I make mistakes deliberately so I can hear his voice and have him come beside me and take that marker away, his little remarks makes me blush like a student who's just had her first lesson, too afraid to make mistakes.
Just like his praise makes me rise up to cloud nine to the point I almost want to bow to him. Perhaps we shared this bond, we just never realized it...When he mentioned that I've changed, and became stronger, and more confident, I wanted to cry and say it was all thanks to him, all those days I cried out of frustration, running away from class and just hating one on one exams, we've come a long way, haven't we?
But inside, I still hate you...I don't understand what emotions reside in me for him, they're making me both sick and euphoric at the same time... I called him every name under the sun, yet I wanted to hurl whenever stories of his escapades with the new students reached my ears, especially newbies...ones who don't measure up to me, neither language wise, nor style, and especially not in physical appearance.
