June 17th, 2010 0:13
Um, well, in the morning, today seemed to be just a really normal day. But then my sister came into my room and said something about me coming with her to do some stuff she had to do. And I thought, fuck, why not? It's not like I enjoy spending my days locked in my room that much. So I said yes, obviously. And uh, I made her a bit late, and I made an awful impression with her boss. But I just can't be 'socially normal', seriously. It was horrible. And she didn't fail to make me feel more horrible.
Anyways, I really wanted to start a skies diary, and then I remembered I haven't really looked at the sky today. But then I remembered I had. And, I remember it was gorgeous.
So, as I was waiting with her for our bus, and after she had made me feel horrible again about being so rude and violent, I just wanted to stay away from her. And I looked up, and Oh my god, it was really pretty.
It was kinda cloudy, but, in-between the clouds you could see this little beam of light coming out of it, and I thought it was the greatest thing. It made me feel like I lived in a really nice and interesting world, and it made forget about all the silly things that had made me upset. And then, underneath all of those clouds, you could see the sun hiding, and leaving this fantastic line of orange behind it. I don't really like orange, but man, was it powerful.
It got me in this really solemn mood, and I wasn't mad at my sister anymore.
Not that I was really mad at her in the first place. I was mad at myself. And I just kept wondering, shit, why on earth can't I behave? Is it really that hard to be polite? Is it really that bad to say good-bye back? But then I remembered that, then, I just couldn't speak, and I really don't know why, and I had this little internal debate about it, but I just couldn't do it, and I had the chance, and I knew I should've but I still didn't.
And I remember thinking how much I just wanted to be ignored. Is it really that hard to ask? I thought we were all selfish. Fucking politeness, I just can't do it. Maybe being alone all the time has turned me into this 'monster'. I'm just glad those glorious grey skies were there to save me from myself.
Um, well, in the morning, today seemed to be just a really normal day. But then my sister came into my room and said something about me coming with her to do some stuff she had to do. And I thought, fuck, why not? It's not like I enjoy spending my days locked in my room that much. So I said yes, obviously. And uh, I made her a bit late, and I made an awful impression with her boss. But I just can't be 'socially normal', seriously. It was horrible. And she didn't fail to make me feel more horrible.
Anyways, I really wanted to start a skies diary, and then I remembered I haven't really looked at the sky today. But then I remembered I had. And, I remember it was gorgeous.
So, as I was waiting with her for our bus, and after she had made me feel horrible again about being so rude and violent, I just wanted to stay away from her. And I looked up, and Oh my god, it was really pretty.
It was kinda cloudy, but, in-between the clouds you could see this little beam of light coming out of it, and I thought it was the greatest thing. It made me feel like I lived in a really nice and interesting world, and it made forget about all the silly things that had made me upset. And then, underneath all of those clouds, you could see the sun hiding, and leaving this fantastic line of orange behind it. I don't really like orange, but man, was it powerful.
It got me in this really solemn mood, and I wasn't mad at my sister anymore.
Not that I was really mad at her in the first place. I was mad at myself. And I just kept wondering, shit, why on earth can't I behave? Is it really that hard to be polite? Is it really that bad to say good-bye back? But then I remembered that, then, I just couldn't speak, and I really don't know why, and I had this little internal debate about it, but I just couldn't do it, and I had the chance, and I knew I should've but I still didn't.
And I remember thinking how much I just wanted to be ignored. Is it really that hard to ask? I thought we were all selfish. Fucking politeness, I just can't do it. Maybe being alone all the time has turned me into this 'monster'. I'm just glad those glorious grey skies were there to save me from myself.
