i received the "port in every storm" award as a young man who just put in his first full year living out of hotel rooms. i had all my belongings in storage and spent weekends in such uninspiring locales as houston and phoenix, while my coworkers gleefully ran home to their equally uninspiring home lives. i blushed at the award, for no one, save one delectable little tart who tempted me in a love/hate dichotomy which came dangerously close to consummating save for jesus' divine puncture of a tire a very late drunken, snowy nite in minneapolis, could know that i had gotten 0 ass on the road that year.
not for lack of trying. shit i tried damn hard every nite. fuck i've been trying damn hard every nite of my life to get laid. but the truth is i'm no goddamn good at it.
mind you i'm no loser, i had stories plenty. but the truth was i spent every single nite of that year+ in a restaurant and bar in various cities all across the country and i couldn't even get a girls number, let alone my dick wet. it was a sad continuation of my college days, where i could count on one hand the even broadest borderline sexual encounters, where i graduated victorious in my virginity. jesus must of been proud. the fact was/is i am a loner nerd. i blissfully went out alone, toting my ipod, a book, and a shit eating grin every nite of the week. sure, i talked to the waitress, anyone within social normal proximity, but i couldn't pick up a hooker. in fact, i actually had a hooker accidentally in my hotel room and still couldn't get laid.
but yet i'm a master of image if nothing else, and it was almost enough to constantly receive the morning attaboy from coworkers with dark rings under my eyes more often from a late nite session with the playstation2 i occasionally brought on the road to stave off the loneliness.
i've gotten better over the years at being desperate i suppose. or maybe of trying to live up to the hype. i won't say i've been more successful, i've been in nyc for 6 months and still have yet to seduce anyone to my apartment. i blame that on jersey as much as my skills though.
not for lack of trying. shit i tried damn hard every nite. fuck i've been trying damn hard every nite of my life to get laid. but the truth is i'm no goddamn good at it.
mind you i'm no loser, i had stories plenty. but the truth was i spent every single nite of that year+ in a restaurant and bar in various cities all across the country and i couldn't even get a girls number, let alone my dick wet. it was a sad continuation of my college days, where i could count on one hand the even broadest borderline sexual encounters, where i graduated victorious in my virginity. jesus must of been proud. the fact was/is i am a loner nerd. i blissfully went out alone, toting my ipod, a book, and a shit eating grin every nite of the week. sure, i talked to the waitress, anyone within social normal proximity, but i couldn't pick up a hooker. in fact, i actually had a hooker accidentally in my hotel room and still couldn't get laid.
but yet i'm a master of image if nothing else, and it was almost enough to constantly receive the morning attaboy from coworkers with dark rings under my eyes more often from a late nite session with the playstation2 i occasionally brought on the road to stave off the loneliness.
i've gotten better over the years at being desperate i suppose. or maybe of trying to live up to the hype. i won't say i've been more successful, i've been in nyc for 6 months and still have yet to seduce anyone to my apartment. i blame that on jersey as much as my skills though.
