I don't know what to do anymore. It feels as though my heat has been ripped from within me. My tears flow endlessly. My heart won't stop aching. I can't seem to stop loving him. Even though we weren't a great fit. We fought. We said things to each other that we shouldn't have. So what happened should have been for the better. Right? I'm not sure. If it was for the better, shouldn't I feel more whole than this? More complete?
Every thing reminds me of what I no long have to call mine. Every memory, sets off a bout of tears and stabs of pain through my heart. Though, I must admit, I brought this on my self. And I do deserve this pain, don't I? I keep telling myself. That I'll be alright, that things'll get better. I'll feel more like myself. I don't think it's working. It seems to have gotten worse. Over the course of this past week. I have felt more pain, for a longer amount of time, than i have in quite some time.
Will I ever be whole again? My guess is that I won't. So what will I do then? Who will take me incomplete? Who will be able to handle my broken heart? This is not the first time it's been broken, bruised or battered. Nor is it the second, or the third. . .
Do I numb myself again? Or do I force myself to feel the full extent of this pain? I deserve the pain. I shouldn't keep running.
The worse part though. He hates me now. I know he does. That is one of the worse feelings; to know the one you love, hates you. Loathes you, wants nothing to do with you. He's through with me. Forever. Knowing i deserve it, doesn't make it hurt any less.
I'm falling apart at the seams. I can't do this much longer. I can't keep fooling myself that "It'll be okay".
Because it won't be okay.