I loved her; and she ripped out my heart. this girl put me through things that others have murdered for. i would have given her anything at all, yet she felt the need to make me fall. i met you when i was 8, you were only 6. no way we could have known but it must have shown. Our mothers standing in the hall watching it all, giggling and joking about invisible music notes floating between our eyes. you step dad threatening me when i was only 13. because he saw the way you looked at me.

01/17/2011
so I'm going to tell this story... you probably aren't going to like it but I'm going to anyway.
I don't know what we were talking about the day we met, but i remember you right then and there, i remember the look on your face. nervous, cautious, weird. our parents had known one another practically their entire lives and yet we were just meeting. they were laughing and saying i was going to take your "Flower" i think your mom knew better than mine. she saw it in your eyes, felt it in the air, she believed we would be.
a few years later it was time for CCD, i must have been 12, carpooling to and from St. Joe's. My mother asked me if I remembered you and I said no. we are outside of your house and my mom is telling me to be nice and well behaved. i arrogantly laughed like i would never do anything to the contrary. I let you into the jeep i think, whatever it was i had to lift the seat and climb in the back. I'm sitting in a chair; in the basement of a church, and there you were trying to have a conversation. i dont think i understood because im drawing a blank but i remember you laughing and smiling at me. you mom dropped me off back home afterwards.
not long after i remember seeing you at school, some kid was talking shit and you called me a pussy for not hitting him. i thought you were cute and i really wanted to hit him :\
we were on a shuttle cuddling going to the Good Old Days Festival with Melissa, i leaned in and kissed the top of your head trying not to be noticed. she called me out on it and i laughed and denied it, somehow you belived it even though it was your head that i kissed.