the longer and longer i sit throughout the day the more i feel that i am alone, not alone in an angst-y melodramatic way but i truly believe i am alone. take my friends Erin for example (name changed for privacy reasons) i truly believe that she is a close friend of mine and that we are really close friends. But as the days pass i notice that she doesn't actually care about me even though she says she does. because i believe that if you do truly care about someone then you would at least put some amount of effort in our friendship. on multiple occasions Erin has canceled on me last minute only to end up hanging out with someone else, i'm not really sure what this means but i know that every time she continues to do it i begin to dislike her a little more. i don't hate her but i just wished she put in as much effort with me as i do with her. she truly is an amazing person i have seen her grow into the woman she is although she has made a ton of horrible decisions she is still a good person. she has not only developed from the awkward lonely middle school girl but i have been with her through her suicidal behavior, her crazy family, her half-sister who her and her parents were unable to adopt. i do wish that we can continue to be friends but as the days pass i know that it wont work out and it actually breaks my heart that she uses me when she wants to and only chooses to hang out with me when no one else will. even with her constant complaints of having no friends shes always hanging out with someone and she never invites me. it sounds like im whining and complaining but i have been through so much with her and she knows it so i just wish she appreciated my existence as much as a i appreciate hers. and i really do appreciate her i mean i let her illegally modify my body (only a small stick and poke dont worry), i've told her so many secrets i would never tell anyone else