He did something to her. She wasn't exactly sure what, but he made an impact. He changed her. And he left remnants of himself throughout her life. In that song that she loved to play, in the shirt he left with her. So many small things that would leave her wanting him; leaving her with a flood of memories that she longed to relive.
What was it about him? She often wondered. She knew he was mostly a condescending, superior asshole. He never once complimented her or asked her about her feelings and opinions. She had to work for his attention. Their relationship was unabashedly fucked, and they both knew it.
And then she remembered the moments that she cherished. The moments they made love, him tenderly wrapping his body around hers so that she wasn't in any pain. Being gentle, and vulnerable, and so different--tender. She remembered him handing her a bracelet that he made. She watched as he had held the strands of hemp between his teeth and wrapped the fabric around his fingers. She remembered him squeezing her tight when they said goodbye. Sending sweet texts that made her realize that he cared.
And she also remembered how perfect he was. He always looked sexy, even without trying. The way he held his cigarette. How he looked standing naked by the poolside. Slender and pale, but still sexy. She didn't know how he pulled it off.
He was intelligent. He seemed to have a constant stream of witty remarks, and he was book smart, too. A student at a borderline ivy-league school, receiving good grades in all of his classes despite the fact that he was consistently stoned.
Yet at the same time, he was rude, inconsiderate and cold. He made fun of her, and made her feel inadequate, and bossed her around. He flirted with other girls. She wasn't even sure if he liked her in that way.
But she couldn't deny the fact that she was completely into him. She thought about him constantly, and imagined their reunion. She imagined tackling him the moment she saw him, driving aimlessly around town, smoking a few bowls, and talking endlessly of hilarious party stories and college life. And then, she imagined that just as she was about to drop him off, he would turn the car off and climb over the driver's seat and fuck her until she came.
But for now, she could only wonder.
What was it about him? She often wondered. She knew he was mostly a condescending, superior asshole. He never once complimented her or asked her about her feelings and opinions. She had to work for his attention. Their relationship was unabashedly fucked, and they both knew it.
And then she remembered the moments that she cherished. The moments they made love, him tenderly wrapping his body around hers so that she wasn't in any pain. Being gentle, and vulnerable, and so different--tender. She remembered him handing her a bracelet that he made. She watched as he had held the strands of hemp between his teeth and wrapped the fabric around his fingers. She remembered him squeezing her tight when they said goodbye. Sending sweet texts that made her realize that he cared.
And she also remembered how perfect he was. He always looked sexy, even without trying. The way he held his cigarette. How he looked standing naked by the poolside. Slender and pale, but still sexy. She didn't know how he pulled it off.
He was intelligent. He seemed to have a constant stream of witty remarks, and he was book smart, too. A student at a borderline ivy-league school, receiving good grades in all of his classes despite the fact that he was consistently stoned.
Yet at the same time, he was rude, inconsiderate and cold. He made fun of her, and made her feel inadequate, and bossed her around. He flirted with other girls. She wasn't even sure if he liked her in that way.
But she couldn't deny the fact that she was completely into him. She thought about him constantly, and imagined their reunion. She imagined tackling him the moment she saw him, driving aimlessly around town, smoking a few bowls, and talking endlessly of hilarious party stories and college life. And then, she imagined that just as she was about to drop him off, he would turn the car off and climb over the driver's seat and fuck her until she came.
But for now, she could only wonder.
