Well, "here I go again on my own." Another start to this page with part of some old song lyrics, this time I'm not sure who the band is and don't care enough to Google it. Sadly, what I am most concerned about at this very particular moment in time (and it is now almost 3 PM on a Wednesday afternoon) is whether my prescription will come in the mail today to the Boynton Pharmacy oncampus, so I will just have it and can go about my life normally and consistently, as I have been trying so hard to do these last few months. This is the first time since I started taking Adderall and letting it work consistently that I have had this type of a situation come up, where I ran out and wasn't sure if I'd be able to get more on time. I hate this feeling of anxiety, this feeling of not being able to just relax and have my mind be on other more enjoyable, "normal" things, which is exactly how it's been going (for the most part) I feel. But now lately things have just spiraled in certain areas, and it sort of feels like it all started with my car dying on me and not having transportation of my own since then. With that came the lack of steady income from my job with babysitting for Melanie, and now just with this prescription I feel added extra stress additionally, because of not having a car ultimately--I could have been certain, had I had a car when I was looking to get it approved for refill, that if worst came to worst I could just pick it up down in AV on my own time at their pharmacy, rather than deal with having it either transferred from CVS Pharmacy Apple Valley or mailed from Health Partners pharmacy to Boynton, which is the current scenario I'm dealing with and has caused all this extra uncertainty/anxiety now. And really, it makes me almost feel/sound like an addict or something again, but I know deep down in my heart of hearts that it's not like that--for whatever reason, and in whatever way, shape or form, Adderall, in combination with Paxil, has made some sort of difference in me as a person, and I haven't even had time to think back to the difference because I've just felt so "normal" and just "how I should feel" on them. And yes while in some ways I don't like this fact, and admitting to it, I can't deny that it's true! I have been happy, more organized, more energetic and just more motivated, less anxious in certain situations...could go on and on. And I've been striving to take the meds at pretty much the same time every day too, to make it all the more consistent and "normalizing." I've never let meds like this work like how I have been in the past few months, and I just don't like how things have suddenly gone in this direction, where I'm suddenly feeling anxiety and focusing on them--when really they had been helping to put my focus on everything else. Ugh...I just hope to hell that prescription comes in today, so I can just be relieved, pick it up and go on with my life. And not have to spend time and energy typing out one of these pages to vent about it and try relieve the stress it's created...