i have too much in my head. and i don't know what to do about it. i love you. there is a part of me that loves you to no end. but there's a part of me that is insanely afraid. and you. you scare me. you scare me so much. you are unpredictable. i don't know if i'm worth it. and you have obviously not made a decision. not that you should. but at the same time i don't want to be in limbo. i can't. i never have been comfortable in a place like that. but there's parts of you i can't figure out. i don't want to be another Charles. i can't handle that. i'm not that strong and i don't want to be. i want to be able to believe and have faith and just be free to be happy.

is that too much to ask for?

you love your parents. i love mine. but im stronger than that. i have faith in myself. you don't know what you want. and i don't know if i can put up with that. for someone as indecisive as me, i need someone who can make decisions so that i can learn from them. i need someone who has guns and will stick to them. i need a prince charming whom i don't have to teach. someone who can even read my thoughts sometimes.

what should i do?

should i wait for you? is it fair of me to ask you that?

would you wait for me?

or when your mother says no, will you just give me up?

you can't stand them hating you.

but what if i hate you?

could you stand it? would you even care?

but in the end. its not a question of me. not of your parents.