Could it get to the point that I can't wait to get behind the keyboard...or in front of it, or whatever? I'm kinda looking forward to this session, really. My mind is swimming lately, with thoughts and experiences I haven't felt in a LONG time. Energizing, optimistic, yet a little disconcering and alarming, as well. I can't believe how similar this process is to sitting practice, really. Look deeper inside yourself. Don't make anything rise to the surface. Just watch things rise and evaporate. What are your observations telling you about yourself? Don't force it...just watch and let go. You have the answers. You always have the answers. And with each passing exercise, those answers become increasingly available, more accessible than you ever could have dreamed.
Self-exploration. It's fascinating, really. Yes, it's a bit of navel gazing and quite the ego-centric activity. At least, on the surface. But is it really, if you just observe, just watch, without becoming attached? Isn't it the opposite of ego-centric if you don't attach to it? Sort of a clinical/spiritual exercise.
And here's what I've been observing: After a lengthy period of ignoring the remains of my relationship...that is, pretending it's OK to look the other way, the thoughts of its eventual end, the acknowledgement that it is truly over (yes, I knew this part, but not what follows it) and the need to recognize and prepare for what comes next..that's the part that is now taking stage. It's logical, really. I needed to block this off while I put the rest of my life together. And that, I'm proud to say, is firmly on track. Love my job, love my interests, my practice deepens with regular practice, physically in great shape after the cleanse (though I can stand to put on a little muscle...that's next, as I'm about to sign up at the Conshohocken Health Club), making friends at Shambhala, generally seeing all the positives in my life, gratitude abound, smiles for all to see, a darker spirit has lifted, stresses are gone, accomplishments and recognitions are as high as ever, payed more than I ever thought I'd be (with another adjustment coming in a few months. It's near perfect. NEAR perfect.
So why not exhume that one closeted area? Isn't it time? Well, apparently so, since that is what's rising to the surface. I'll just continue to look deeply at what arises. No decisions necessary. They will appear in due time. I'll know what to do. Amazing, though, isn't it, how once I've opened this box (I only a couple of days now), the cues are everywhere: in last night's movie (Date Night), in the book I just finished (The Imperfectionists), and now, of course, in my daily writing?
Good. It's high time and I'm ready to move on. Each day I grow and change. And life is great.
Self-exploration. It's fascinating, really. Yes, it's a bit of navel gazing and quite the ego-centric activity. At least, on the surface. But is it really, if you just observe, just watch, without becoming attached? Isn't it the opposite of ego-centric if you don't attach to it? Sort of a clinical/spiritual exercise.
And here's what I've been observing: After a lengthy period of ignoring the remains of my relationship...that is, pretending it's OK to look the other way, the thoughts of its eventual end, the acknowledgement that it is truly over (yes, I knew this part, but not what follows it) and the need to recognize and prepare for what comes next..that's the part that is now taking stage. It's logical, really. I needed to block this off while I put the rest of my life together. And that, I'm proud to say, is firmly on track. Love my job, love my interests, my practice deepens with regular practice, physically in great shape after the cleanse (though I can stand to put on a little muscle...that's next, as I'm about to sign up at the Conshohocken Health Club), making friends at Shambhala, generally seeing all the positives in my life, gratitude abound, smiles for all to see, a darker spirit has lifted, stresses are gone, accomplishments and recognitions are as high as ever, payed more than I ever thought I'd be (with another adjustment coming in a few months. It's near perfect. NEAR perfect.
So why not exhume that one closeted area? Isn't it time? Well, apparently so, since that is what's rising to the surface. I'll just continue to look deeply at what arises. No decisions necessary. They will appear in due time. I'll know what to do. Amazing, though, isn't it, how once I've opened this box (I only a couple of days now), the cues are everywhere: in last night's movie (Date Night), in the book I just finished (The Imperfectionists), and now, of course, in my daily writing?
Good. It's high time and I'm ready to move on. Each day I grow and change. And life is great.
