I never thought of life as a roller coaster or as anything else that any one ever told me life was supposed to be. I saw life as something to hope to have and realizing that some people don't even have that, life. Sure, every one says they have life but who really does? That one certainly doesn't have life. He's alive or at least breathing but that slow walk in a suit that he can't quite feel good in and the briefcase that's just a bit too heaving going to that job that doesn't quite fit isn't life. That's just... being. Life is something different something I can't define yet but I know one thing for sure, you can feel it in your heart when you've got one.
It's that tightness in your chest that's just this side of unpleasant and that fast beat of it that keeps you on your toes. It's the feeling of almost flying with a smile on your face as if you're constantly laughing. No, no, I hear the reply, that's not life, that's reaction, that's nerves and "love" and feelings, that's not life. But, what's life if it isn't feelings and nerves and love and shock. What are you doing if all you feel is the same thing, dullness. What's a life when you feel as if you're wading through mud as thick as molasses every day. That's not life and life is nothing like wading through anything, it's like you're the top of the world.
I almost feel life every day. I get this worrying sort of pressure in my chest when I think about things, but the right kind of tightness doesn't come from THINKING it comes from doing. My thinking brings me worry, do I have enough money for that bill that's bound to show up by tomorrow, what happens if the cat needs a surgery or gets hurt. I mean the money is a problem, if I really wanted to tell you how worry is different then life then I could just tell you how little money I'm earning to how much money I owe the government. Lets just go with saying I went to 4 and a half years of college two of which were paid. Yeah, that's worry.
Life, life is flying. For some it can mean literally flying, for me though, for me it's the skip I get in my heart whenever I see the solution coming at me a mile a minute, when I can see the case fitting it's tiny fingers together and showing me the whole thing, showing me the past, future and present all in one giant second. That's what life feels like.
So, those people wading through the molasses like sidewalks as they try to hurry to the work they can't quite like in the suits that don't quite give in the right places with the briefcase weighing them down. That's not life and that will never be life. That's being, that's breathing, that's fulfilling the destiny of dying. Life isn't walking through and getting to death, it's LIVING.
It's that tightness in your chest that's just this side of unpleasant and that fast beat of it that keeps you on your toes. It's the feeling of almost flying with a smile on your face as if you're constantly laughing. No, no, I hear the reply, that's not life, that's reaction, that's nerves and "love" and feelings, that's not life. But, what's life if it isn't feelings and nerves and love and shock. What are you doing if all you feel is the same thing, dullness. What's a life when you feel as if you're wading through mud as thick as molasses every day. That's not life and life is nothing like wading through anything, it's like you're the top of the world.
I almost feel life every day. I get this worrying sort of pressure in my chest when I think about things, but the right kind of tightness doesn't come from THINKING it comes from doing. My thinking brings me worry, do I have enough money for that bill that's bound to show up by tomorrow, what happens if the cat needs a surgery or gets hurt. I mean the money is a problem, if I really wanted to tell you how worry is different then life then I could just tell you how little money I'm earning to how much money I owe the government. Lets just go with saying I went to 4 and a half years of college two of which were paid. Yeah, that's worry.
Life, life is flying. For some it can mean literally flying, for me though, for me it's the skip I get in my heart whenever I see the solution coming at me a mile a minute, when I can see the case fitting it's tiny fingers together and showing me the whole thing, showing me the past, future and present all in one giant second. That's what life feels like.
So, those people wading through the molasses like sidewalks as they try to hurry to the work they can't quite like in the suits that don't quite give in the right places with the briefcase weighing them down. That's not life and that will never be life. That's being, that's breathing, that's fulfilling the destiny of dying. Life isn't walking through and getting to death, it's LIVING.
