One page a day, a recipie that the doctor told me would make me a better writer...person.
I have only one problem. Mind you its a big problem. I am a fuck up in many different ways. I have fucked up relationships, finances, family and myself through a lack of deep honesty with myself. Honest is hard to achieve when you are self critical and you take everything that should be honest and make it something that hurts. Honest is not meant to be cruel. It's meant to be truth you can absorb and use to live a life that does not require you to hide. Honest is not being negative. Its not about being horrible to oneself. It's not meant to be a critical self analysis.
Honest is a compass. It points you in the right direction. It allows you to roll out the welcome carpet for those who seek to knock you back and that includes yourself. Being honest means understanding yourself, your strenght, your limits and accepting them. Don't make life an unending struggle trying to reconcile everyones view of yourself with yours. Make it a matter of principle and habit to allow your self image to improve through changes you can honestly accept. Reject those views that seek to destroy an honest self image of oneself.
My problem is simple in statement but huge in scope. I have hurt many people with my lack of honesty. I have hurt them by directly involving them in my lies to myself. Self delusion enabled me to reconcile the results of those lies with a warped honesty that was never true.
I cannot expect forgivness from others. I cannot seek it from them unless I first am honest with myself about what I have done and what I still do. I can no longer delude myself into believeing that my actions, thoughts and fantasies do not have an impact on those I love.
Each time I take a step deeper into the amoral jungle that is my past, my future is laid out as a path that allows me to use that compass I have come to rely upon.
The truth is, I don't want to hurt anyone. By word or deed I do not want to offend. This is not possible in this connected world of ours. Self honesty demands that I must also be able to stand up and be counted as well as to lay low and bite my tongue. It requires courage of a personal nature that goes deeper than anything else that makes me a human being.
Garth Brooks song "Standing outside the fire" has become a personal anthem of mine. In those lyrics I can find a motto that sums up what it means to be honest. "Life is not tried, it is merely survived when your're standing outside the fire". Honesty of purpose, of principle, of vision means leaping into that fire. It means cavorting in that fire. It means bathing in it, revelling in all of those things that today allow me to say, "I am alive and live well within the skin of my human frame!"
- Random thoughts on why honesty is the best policy
I have only one problem. Mind you its a big problem. I am a fuck up in many different ways. I have fucked up relationships, finances, family and myself through a lack of deep honesty with myself. Honest is hard to achieve when you are self critical and you take everything that should be honest and make it something that hurts. Honest is not meant to be cruel. It's meant to be truth you can absorb and use to live a life that does not require you to hide. Honest is not being negative. Its not about being horrible to oneself. It's not meant to be a critical self analysis.
Honest is a compass. It points you in the right direction. It allows you to roll out the welcome carpet for those who seek to knock you back and that includes yourself. Being honest means understanding yourself, your strenght, your limits and accepting them. Don't make life an unending struggle trying to reconcile everyones view of yourself with yours. Make it a matter of principle and habit to allow your self image to improve through changes you can honestly accept. Reject those views that seek to destroy an honest self image of oneself.
My problem is simple in statement but huge in scope. I have hurt many people with my lack of honesty. I have hurt them by directly involving them in my lies to myself. Self delusion enabled me to reconcile the results of those lies with a warped honesty that was never true.
I cannot expect forgivness from others. I cannot seek it from them unless I first am honest with myself about what I have done and what I still do. I can no longer delude myself into believeing that my actions, thoughts and fantasies do not have an impact on those I love.
Each time I take a step deeper into the amoral jungle that is my past, my future is laid out as a path that allows me to use that compass I have come to rely upon.
The truth is, I don't want to hurt anyone. By word or deed I do not want to offend. This is not possible in this connected world of ours. Self honesty demands that I must also be able to stand up and be counted as well as to lay low and bite my tongue. It requires courage of a personal nature that goes deeper than anything else that makes me a human being.
Garth Brooks song "Standing outside the fire" has become a personal anthem of mine. In those lyrics I can find a motto that sums up what it means to be honest. "Life is not tried, it is merely survived when your're standing outside the fire". Honesty of purpose, of principle, of vision means leaping into that fire. It means cavorting in that fire. It means bathing in it, revelling in all of those things that today allow me to say, "I am alive and live well within the skin of my human frame!"
- Random thoughts on why honesty is the best policy
