I take the last drag of my cigarette and push the butt into the chocolate compartment of a Dunkaroos package. Oddly enough, these kids' snacks happen to make incredibly effective ashtrays.
This is leading off my entry because it may be the most significant thing I've done today, this slightly innovative yet largely ineffectual action. It was one of those days. When you wake up reluctantly and lay in bed, wondering if there's any real purpose to what you can possibly get up and do. I don't mean this in a depressed sense at all. I'm satisfied and then some with my friends, my family, and my life in general. But I also have a voice at the back of my head telling me that I was born to achieve something great, to really make a difference, to leave my mark on the world. Because of this voice, I am coming to recognize a growing number of things and experiences as pedantic or frivolous. At the risk of alienating the people I love, I sometimes have to really repress the expression of these recognitions, lest I come off as completely arrogant and unusual. A sort of Icarus effect, if you will.
In this manner, I regard the pedantic things that I have to do to get through each day. What is the importance of what I'm about to do all day? This may seem overly eager, I might be jumping the gun, but I can't help but consider everything in this light.
Today I'm going to do very little at work, as I have for my past jobs. I'm going to get a few things done, mess around on the internet for a while, go home, make what is essentially hours of small talk with my roommates, and go to sleep. To get up and do it again on consecutive days. I'm growing more and more impatient with this process. I want the day to come when I can make decisions and show leadership, really make a difference. I can't settle for a simple life having a "good job" in a "lucrative" career, wasting away in the suburbs, in whatever level of comfort and security that may bring.
The upside to this, which was difficult to discover, is that my confidence and intelligence are growing by leaps and bounds over the course of weeks. Every day, I become more sure of myself and my capabilities, and this is as i
This is leading off my entry because it may be the most significant thing I've done today, this slightly innovative yet largely ineffectual action. It was one of those days. When you wake up reluctantly and lay in bed, wondering if there's any real purpose to what you can possibly get up and do. I don't mean this in a depressed sense at all. I'm satisfied and then some with my friends, my family, and my life in general. But I also have a voice at the back of my head telling me that I was born to achieve something great, to really make a difference, to leave my mark on the world. Because of this voice, I am coming to recognize a growing number of things and experiences as pedantic or frivolous. At the risk of alienating the people I love, I sometimes have to really repress the expression of these recognitions, lest I come off as completely arrogant and unusual. A sort of Icarus effect, if you will.
In this manner, I regard the pedantic things that I have to do to get through each day. What is the importance of what I'm about to do all day? This may seem overly eager, I might be jumping the gun, but I can't help but consider everything in this light.
Today I'm going to do very little at work, as I have for my past jobs. I'm going to get a few things done, mess around on the internet for a while, go home, make what is essentially hours of small talk with my roommates, and go to sleep. To get up and do it again on consecutive days. I'm growing more and more impatient with this process. I want the day to come when I can make decisions and show leadership, really make a difference. I can't settle for a simple life having a "good job" in a "lucrative" career, wasting away in the suburbs, in whatever level of comfort and security that may bring.
The upside to this, which was difficult to discover, is that my confidence and intelligence are growing by leaps and bounds over the course of weeks. Every day, I become more sure of myself and my capabilities, and this is as i
