June 20, 2010
It's warm outside today, I am eating orange chicken, and listening to a rendition of Aerosmith's Dream On. I am incredibly bored. I want to do something, something with meaning. I don't want to just sit around worrying about swim practice and my Tuberculosis shot tomorrow. So what if im not in shape? So what if the little shot hurts my arm? Is it at all posible for me to let go? Sometimes it seems not. I want to have fun, live in the moment. So why am I always worrying about the future... and the past. My life is more meaningful than worrying and that is that.
Even though I tell myself I can live in the moment, It's really difficult. I guess curiosity gets the best of me. I wonder what college I will go to, I wonder what job I will have, I wonder if I will have a family. I wonder what I will look like. Not only appearance wise, but more profound than that. What will I look like to other people? What will I look like inside? Will I be a toxic waste- pit of self obsession and hate, or will I be beautiful; caring and compassionate? God, I have NO idea.
I kinda wonder what Norah will do too. Maybe, she will become a rockstar, you never really know. But then again, she might not have enough certainty. otherwise, she would probably become a lawyer. Maybe we will both go to Princeton. She probably wouldn't even remember me, middle school best friends. Friends who schemed of plans to make her famous, held concerts in Boston and Barnes & Noble. She really needs to expose her talent. Being too scared to post a video on Youtube is ridiculous, this is 2010.
It just makes me wonder more about life. It's like what J.K Rowling wrote,'It does not do well to dwell on dreams'. I don't have much else though, I've got my dreams, my family, and my unsteady friends. Maybe I've got my poetry too but I'm really not that good. I'm not really good at anything. I'm good at things, but there's nothing, I don't know, extraordinary. I want to be extraordinary. I want to think that somebody looks upto me, is in awe of me or my talent.
Maybe I should just go on with my life, expect everything to be average, that way I won't have disappointments. Then again, what do I have to strive for? If I want greatness I have to acheive it. I can't keep sitting on this couch expecting an op-
It's warm outside today, I am eating orange chicken, and listening to a rendition of Aerosmith's Dream On. I am incredibly bored. I want to do something, something with meaning. I don't want to just sit around worrying about swim practice and my Tuberculosis shot tomorrow. So what if im not in shape? So what if the little shot hurts my arm? Is it at all posible for me to let go? Sometimes it seems not. I want to have fun, live in the moment. So why am I always worrying about the future... and the past. My life is more meaningful than worrying and that is that.
Even though I tell myself I can live in the moment, It's really difficult. I guess curiosity gets the best of me. I wonder what college I will go to, I wonder what job I will have, I wonder if I will have a family. I wonder what I will look like. Not only appearance wise, but more profound than that. What will I look like to other people? What will I look like inside? Will I be a toxic waste- pit of self obsession and hate, or will I be beautiful; caring and compassionate? God, I have NO idea.
I kinda wonder what Norah will do too. Maybe, she will become a rockstar, you never really know. But then again, she might not have enough certainty. otherwise, she would probably become a lawyer. Maybe we will both go to Princeton. She probably wouldn't even remember me, middle school best friends. Friends who schemed of plans to make her famous, held concerts in Boston and Barnes & Noble. She really needs to expose her talent. Being too scared to post a video on Youtube is ridiculous, this is 2010.
It just makes me wonder more about life. It's like what J.K Rowling wrote,'It does not do well to dwell on dreams'. I don't have much else though, I've got my dreams, my family, and my unsteady friends. Maybe I've got my poetry too but I'm really not that good. I'm not really good at anything. I'm good at things, but there's nothing, I don't know, extraordinary. I want to be extraordinary. I want to think that somebody looks upto me, is in awe of me or my talent.
Maybe I should just go on with my life, expect everything to be average, that way I won't have disappointments. Then again, what do I have to strive for? If I want greatness I have to acheive it. I can't keep sitting on this couch expecting an op-
