Learning to Let Go

Maybe it was me, everything I said and didn't say, everything I did and I didn't do, maybe it was me who drove him away, it was my fault. I still don't know why I left that night, I was so mad at her I couldn't stand watching what was unraveling in front of me.

Everywhere I go I see her face and it hurts, I can't let go of her smile, her laugh, the way she held my hand, it felt like nothing could break us, we would never falter.

My friend Ryan sits with me, he tells me that I should get some rest, I nod, he sleeps on the mat my parents left for him. He looked cold, I take off my blanket and cover his body, smiling because I just did a good deed, I should get a gold star.

Now It's night, I can't breathe, I didn't say anything or even make a sound though, it hurt too much, make it stop, let the tape rewind for me.

Then I stop and notice that maybe it wasn't my lungs that hurt, it was my heart. It aches when I move, and it keeps saying I still love her, but I don't, I hate her, I try to scream no! I don't! I hate her!

But I don't want to wake my parents or Ryan

Ryan.

I look at Ryan, and when I laid my eyes on him he reminded me of her, just like her he always cared for me and was always by my side, but he's better then her.

I stop, no, I can't.

I look at Ryan's face, I bite my lip as I kiss him and leave to the roof of the apartment building, I'm learning to let go, Learning to breathe, learning to love, and I'm done with this sick world, maybe I'll teach myself how to let go.

I'll start by letting myself fall.