Sitting around watching a football game. I have to work at 3:00. I hate that job. I love working. It builds purpose. It gives worth. I hate that job though. I don't want to touch other people's food and I don't want to spend every single shift getting ready for a 45 minute rush of people. I want to work in an environment that I can make my own. A place where I am in my element. My current job isn't the place. So I will continue to search. In the mean time this is all I have for work.
Love life is in shambles at the moment. Well... shambles is a bit dramatic. It's not well though. I miss Jessica. Everyone says deal with it, get over it, move on etc. It's never that simple and the people who say that are either uncaring or acting ignorant. I love her and it kills right now and either eventually I'll get over it or I'll get back with her. I don't plan on either, I just live my life and see what comes to me.
School isn't going well either. I'm only 13 hours worth of classes, and I'm failing one that is 6 hours. Swahili. I love the subject. I love what I'm learning. I'm just not able to learn it as fast as the rest. I'm so overwhelmed by it all. Composition is easy, but it is time consuming. Anthropology is fairly easy, I just don't care to learn about Evolution that I don't believe in. Sigh.
I'm behind in ministry as well. I want to be doing more. Running a bible study, making sermons, preaching, doing outreach. I want to be doing that. Now. I did more ministry while being in class 7-8 hours a day during high school then I am now. Ridiculous. I want to get back to my calling.
This is all burdening me. I want to move forward and find a little bit of rest or at least a little relief. Yet I don't see it happening anytime soon. Friends aren't helping, family isn't helping. I am screwing up with my sins so much lately. I can't get free from some things and it's killing me spiritually. I need Jesus to do something I can't right now. I need a miracle in my life. I need rejuvenation. I'm getting wore down and I see my personality going with it. I don't want to become another callused heart. Jesus I need you to keep my heart alive. I can't do it. Weary and heavy ladened, I come to you for the rest that you offer. Use me, break me, change me, hold me, love me. Do whatever it takes to make me better. I don't want to be left this way, and I know without you that will happen. Only you can change these things. Lord do something big.
Love life is in shambles at the moment. Well... shambles is a bit dramatic. It's not well though. I miss Jessica. Everyone says deal with it, get over it, move on etc. It's never that simple and the people who say that are either uncaring or acting ignorant. I love her and it kills right now and either eventually I'll get over it or I'll get back with her. I don't plan on either, I just live my life and see what comes to me.
School isn't going well either. I'm only 13 hours worth of classes, and I'm failing one that is 6 hours. Swahili. I love the subject. I love what I'm learning. I'm just not able to learn it as fast as the rest. I'm so overwhelmed by it all. Composition is easy, but it is time consuming. Anthropology is fairly easy, I just don't care to learn about Evolution that I don't believe in. Sigh.
I'm behind in ministry as well. I want to be doing more. Running a bible study, making sermons, preaching, doing outreach. I want to be doing that. Now. I did more ministry while being in class 7-8 hours a day during high school then I am now. Ridiculous. I want to get back to my calling.
This is all burdening me. I want to move forward and find a little bit of rest or at least a little relief. Yet I don't see it happening anytime soon. Friends aren't helping, family isn't helping. I am screwing up with my sins so much lately. I can't get free from some things and it's killing me spiritually. I need Jesus to do something I can't right now. I need a miracle in my life. I need rejuvenation. I'm getting wore down and I see my personality going with it. I don't want to become another callused heart. Jesus I need you to keep my heart alive. I can't do it. Weary and heavy ladened, I come to you for the rest that you offer. Use me, break me, change me, hold me, love me. Do whatever it takes to make me better. I don't want to be left this way, and I know without you that will happen. Only you can change these things. Lord do something big.
