there's always that mysterious "you" for someone, isn't there? there's always one person who got away, or never came close enough. that one person who we wish we were with, we wish we could hate, or wish we could know.

sometimes it's not even a real person. you're not a real person, but i wish with all my heart that you would be. i wish i could really find you. not just someone like you, but you. your name would be something interesting, but not weird. like, Eli or Gabriel. your favourite author would be Chuck Palahniuk, but you wouldn't limit yourself to that.

you'd love all kinds of music, but understand that some music is actually, technically shit. you would be an avid foreign film fan, and take me to all the film festivals. you'd drink beer, and smoke cigarettes. you'd be intimidated by my father, and find my mother quirky.

you wouldn't make a huge deal about how i can't accept compliments, but you'd never stop telling me i'm beautiful. you'd make me coffee or tea, and massage my feet. you would have close friends, and stand by them even if i didn't like it. you would never let me use sex against you.

you'd kiss me in the rain and complain when i took you shopping. you'd always be there for me, but you'd never let me get away with being a horrible person. you'd love me until the end of your life, and tell me every day. and you'd understand when i say i don't believe you.

maybe the "you" i'm so desperate to meet is just a hidden part of myself.