After a series of events with whom I now consider a close friend, the mere idea of a relationship seems to shake me to my core. I had tried to keep out of mind the reason why I do not pursue any of the men who have recently tried to date me. It's simple to say that I just don't want a relationship at this time, or that I am not ready. The truth though seemed to butt it's head today.
That same friend, Jason, asked me today about how things were going with the guy in my class who had been talking to me. "Fine, we talk occasionally, but nothing is really happening." I stated rather blandly. He looked at me with question in his eyes and asked me why that was. "I'm just not looking to pursue him, or anybody right now for that matter." Later in the evening I came to the conclusion that it is not really that I do not want to pursue anybody, but I have not found anyone as good as him to pursue. A certain rage filled me at that moment. The kind of rage where you realize just how ridiculous these things called relationships are.