He was even of mildly good spirits on the day Matthias first came down to the corner cellar room. It had been like that for a couple of days now, that there came times when he was actually okay with it all, that he was relaxed and cool-headed, full of acceptance of what the Lord had done unto him, and why it had all played out this way. In a way it was oddly satisfying... a sort of conclusion to the months he had spent in frustration and apathy with God since Amelia's death. He felt not full of confidence, but confident enough, leveled out with enough hope and strength to look up and feel that he could go on through to the future and whatever further hardships it would bring him. He understood now. And from now on, it would be alright.
So it happened that when the governess brought Matthias down upon her hip, Jonathan recognized that they were there, but was mid-Hail Mary and out of reverence did not break his prayer. It also happened that when Matthias saw the corpse, he reached out from his governess and spoke with a giggle, "Wake up, Mama!"
It hit Jonathan harder than he thought. It felt similar to being punched in the stomach (Peter had done it to him on accident a long time ago), with the feeling of all the air being knocked out of him, though with the accompaniment of someone grabbing his heart out of his chest and squeezing it, so that the pain was added to his blood as it rushed around his veins. His little boy was to grow up without his mother. It didn't matter to him that Sistine was hardly the mother type in the first place-- his son was to grow up without his mother. So as Jonathan finished up his Hail Mary and got up from his knees, Matthias continued to call out for his Mama while the governess struggled to keep him in his arms, until his inherited sharpness won out and told him to stop. Jonathan didn't know what it was about children, but it seemed that even at such a young age Matthias had a certain intuition for when something was wrong. Thus, Matthias seemed to understand exactly what was going on even if he didn't understand exactly what was going on.
He began to bawl, and scream, and cry, and kick, and wrestle with the governess until Jonathan took him up into his arms and tried fervently to get him to settle down, but even for his father he would not settle, instead calling again and again that he wanted his Mama. At this, Jonathan was unable to speak, his words caught up in his throat as he honestly could not tell him such terrible things-- that his mother was dead, that she wasn't coming back, that no matter how hard he called out for her, she would not wake. Within moments, Jonathan himself could not take it, and so he took his son out of the room, up the stairs, and out of the house, outside in the bright summer heat.
So it happened that when the governess brought Matthias down upon her hip, Jonathan recognized that they were there, but was mid-Hail Mary and out of reverence did not break his prayer. It also happened that when Matthias saw the corpse, he reached out from his governess and spoke with a giggle, "Wake up, Mama!"
It hit Jonathan harder than he thought. It felt similar to being punched in the stomach (Peter had done it to him on accident a long time ago), with the feeling of all the air being knocked out of him, though with the accompaniment of someone grabbing his heart out of his chest and squeezing it, so that the pain was added to his blood as it rushed around his veins. His little boy was to grow up without his mother. It didn't matter to him that Sistine was hardly the mother type in the first place-- his son was to grow up without his mother. So as Jonathan finished up his Hail Mary and got up from his knees, Matthias continued to call out for his Mama while the governess struggled to keep him in his arms, until his inherited sharpness won out and told him to stop. Jonathan didn't know what it was about children, but it seemed that even at such a young age Matthias had a certain intuition for when something was wrong. Thus, Matthias seemed to understand exactly what was going on even if he didn't understand exactly what was going on.
He began to bawl, and scream, and cry, and kick, and wrestle with the governess until Jonathan took him up into his arms and tried fervently to get him to settle down, but even for his father he would not settle, instead calling again and again that he wanted his Mama. At this, Jonathan was unable to speak, his words caught up in his throat as he honestly could not tell him such terrible things-- that his mother was dead, that she wasn't coming back, that no matter how hard he called out for her, she would not wake. Within moments, Jonathan himself could not take it, and so he took his son out of the room, up the stairs, and out of the house, outside in the bright summer heat.
