I suppose I'm terribly, nearly paralyzingly, afraid of losing people, either through distance or through death. The first one hurt so much; and everyone dies, there can only be more, more, more. It's hard to admit and even harder to accept the total lack of control over one's own life, let alone the life of loved ones. Am I opting out while there's still time to enjoy life, to really savor it? Working to accept ahead of time the only thing I can see right now on the future's horizon: more awful trauma.
How do people do it? REAL people, I mean? I'm not a REAL person right now. Obviously, yes, I am human and I understand the difference between reality and my subjective experience; I'm philosophical, even. Still, I must be missing the point. Or maybe I get the point TOO WELL: that there is no meaning and no purpose and everything is absurd and arbitrary, but how to handle this? How to be a real person in the light of such...ambiguity? Especially when I seem to be the only passenger on this particular ride?
Presentation, environment and health (physical, mental, social and financial): the concerns of real people. These concerns need to be mine. Cause and effect. Learning from the past, living in the present and planning for the future.
How do people do it? REAL people, I mean? I'm not a REAL person right now. Obviously, yes, I am human and I understand the difference between reality and my subjective experience; I'm philosophical, even. Still, I must be missing the point. Or maybe I get the point TOO WELL: that there is no meaning and no purpose and everything is absurd and arbitrary, but how to handle this? How to be a real person in the light of such...ambiguity? Especially when I seem to be the only passenger on this particular ride?
Presentation, environment and health (physical, mental, social and financial): the concerns of real people. These concerns need to be mine. Cause and effect. Learning from the past, living in the present and planning for the future.
