that we are going to fuck up, and instead tell us what we are doing right. because it is nearly impossible to tell when you are doing something new well, and painfully obvious when you are doing it wrong. the other teacher--there were two, for some reason--was more inclined towards that latter method, and i felt better in his class. but the fact of the matter is, i had checked out mentally. once we began to learn the minutiae of "the game" i'd turned my vulnerability off. i didn't want to let anything else in. is that getting tougher? or is that merely shutting important things out?
this, really is the mane concern for me lately. am i developing a thicker skin, or am a i merely making it easier to tune out delicate, unpleasant emotions? is there a difference?
11.8.10
lately, i have become sort of obsessed with my ex-step mom. she is one of these people who, as my little sister so succinctly put it, thinks that their facebook wall is akin to talking to a close, personal friend. although, she mostly talks about eating and working out and her new boyfriend and competing in body-building--excuse me, *fitness*--competitions. the majority of her photos on facebook, which are, of course, set to public for the entire world to view, are of her in bikinis, standing in practiced poses and grinning with a number pinned to her, or otherwise scantily clad, wearing high heals, short skirts, and low cut everything. she looks like she is playing dress up. she is also almost 50.
she's a hilarious, sweet woman, don't get me wrong. she is very kind, and generous. she took over the childcare center she ran with my father for years (and that my father started with my mother when i was 2) after they broke up and is apparently doing pretty ok with it. her daughter still works there, and had her two boys go for free all throughout their childhoods, and she will be providing free childcare to my nephew in march when he's old enough, so she can go back to college and do something awesome with her life while taking care of her kid.
but this woman is weird. she has the face of a girlish pug, and looks much younger than her fifty years, with streaky blond hair and squinty, sort of confused, childlike brown eyes. she is either in a constant state of wonder, or she is lost. all the time. she has one of the most sincere smiles you've ever seen and an earth-shattering guffaw. every time she laughs, it is as though she just heard the funniest thing that could ever have happened ever. her voice is deep and husky, which, when i was younger and meaner, i attributed to her hysterectomy.
this, really is the mane concern for me lately. am i developing a thicker skin, or am a i merely making it easier to tune out delicate, unpleasant emotions? is there a difference?
11.8.10
lately, i have become sort of obsessed with my ex-step mom. she is one of these people who, as my little sister so succinctly put it, thinks that their facebook wall is akin to talking to a close, personal friend. although, she mostly talks about eating and working out and her new boyfriend and competing in body-building--excuse me, *fitness*--competitions. the majority of her photos on facebook, which are, of course, set to public for the entire world to view, are of her in bikinis, standing in practiced poses and grinning with a number pinned to her, or otherwise scantily clad, wearing high heals, short skirts, and low cut everything. she looks like she is playing dress up. she is also almost 50.
she's a hilarious, sweet woman, don't get me wrong. she is very kind, and generous. she took over the childcare center she ran with my father for years (and that my father started with my mother when i was 2) after they broke up and is apparently doing pretty ok with it. her daughter still works there, and had her two boys go for free all throughout their childhoods, and she will be providing free childcare to my nephew in march when he's old enough, so she can go back to college and do something awesome with her life while taking care of her kid.
but this woman is weird. she has the face of a girlish pug, and looks much younger than her fifty years, with streaky blond hair and squinty, sort of confused, childlike brown eyes. she is either in a constant state of wonder, or she is lost. all the time. she has one of the most sincere smiles you've ever seen and an earth-shattering guffaw. every time she laughs, it is as though she just heard the funniest thing that could ever have happened ever. her voice is deep and husky, which, when i was younger and meaner, i attributed to her hysterectomy.
