Today, I've been reading stories about people's experiences with bullies. I'm not happy that these people, my friends, had to go through this, but happy that they show that it does get better. And that is what we need for every bullied person to realize. No matter how bad it is, it's not the right choice to end your life, because it will get better.
That said, I have no bullying story to tell. On the two occasions, someone attempted to bully me, I fought back and that pretty much put a stop to that. But color me surprised, when two weeks ago, someone very close to me tells me that he was a bully, back in school. I stopped short and wondered if he was joking with me, but he sadly shook his head and said "No, I was a bully and I regret it so much now". "Why?" is the only word I could squeeze out from between my lips. "I don't know" was his only reply. We continued walking, and the subject was changed to something a lot more pleasant.
The thing is, this particular person was the very picture of the kind of person "ripe" for bullying. Tiny, geeky, effeminate. Not the picture of the antagonist in these kind of scenarios. The fact that all these years later, he still doesn't know why he made life hell for other kids, bothers me a bit. My head says it's something one should have sussed out and learned from, even while regretting the actions, but sometimes we do forget our motivation for the things we do. I also realized that seeing him as the typical kid that gets picked and finding out the opposite, has changed my stereotypical views of bullies. In fact: one of the big myths is that bullies bully because they feel bad about themselves. The research consistently shows that they have average or above average self-esteem. And that they do it for control and to become more popular with their peers. Sadly, they sound like the kind of people who eventually end up in positions of power.
That said, I have no bullying story to tell. On the two occasions, someone attempted to bully me, I fought back and that pretty much put a stop to that. But color me surprised, when two weeks ago, someone very close to me tells me that he was a bully, back in school. I stopped short and wondered if he was joking with me, but he sadly shook his head and said "No, I was a bully and I regret it so much now". "Why?" is the only word I could squeeze out from between my lips. "I don't know" was his only reply. We continued walking, and the subject was changed to something a lot more pleasant.
The thing is, this particular person was the very picture of the kind of person "ripe" for bullying. Tiny, geeky, effeminate. Not the picture of the antagonist in these kind of scenarios. The fact that all these years later, he still doesn't know why he made life hell for other kids, bothers me a bit. My head says it's something one should have sussed out and learned from, even while regretting the actions, but sometimes we do forget our motivation for the things we do. I also realized that seeing him as the typical kid that gets picked and finding out the opposite, has changed my stereotypical views of bullies. In fact: one of the big myths is that bullies bully because they feel bad about themselves. The research consistently shows that they have average or above average self-esteem. And that they do it for control and to become more popular with their peers. Sadly, they sound like the kind of people who eventually end up in positions of power.
