I can't bring myself to do it yet. Two and a half months later...and I still can't watch SNL, because it reminds me of him so much. He is everywhere, but yet he is no where in my life. It doesn't seem fair that even though he hasn't spoke to me in two and a half months that he still has such a strong power over my thoughts and actions. I want to break free of him. But those chains are so strong, and my heart is wrapped so tightly. I have wasted four years with a guy who said he was living lies. I do not want to waste any more of my young life on him. I want to move forward and see him as a memory. Not a haunting, like he is now.

When, God, will I get to that point?