the end all that really matters is your parents, it's hard is it not, when your parents are alive, it is hard to value them. When they pass away, or are near death, you realise how much you love them, and how much you can fight with the universe and the world to keep them close to you. I wish I could just hold you once more papa, just feel you, smell you again. I really wish I could. Maybe just lay next to you in bed, and have you there with me holding you, papa it is hard that you are not here anymore.
As A daughther I could not be more proud of you, I could not be more happy that I had a father like you, and hopefully you will always be a father from a far.
Your smile papa could always just light up my world, that is why I always wanted you to smile, because your smile made all my troubles go away papa. I dont know if you can read this, I hope you can, but please come into my dream, speak to me, let me know if you are ok, and let me know if you love me, and if you miss me, and if you are mad at me. Because I miss you endlessly and I love you even more than that. I will never forgive myself for not spending the last night ith you in the room, laying next to you, But I truely couldn't see you like that. I kept saying sorry because I was so sorry that I couldn't. and I felt as if I let you down.

Papa please forgive me, that is all I ask. I hope you are there to guide me through this life which is tough, and getting tougher day by day. I hope I have the honour of being guided by you my father my guru, my everything -My Jaan!

Forgive me for the times I was not a good daughter, and guide me now to becoming the daughter you can be proud of. I miss you my papa.