I have friends, there is no doubt to that, but who, how many, and to what extent comes into my mind. Everyone has a friend, someone who cares for them. Family are the first friends you ever make. They are your friends before you even know who they are. They care for you and your future before you even know of your own existence. But what about beyond family? How does one decide who are friends and who are just people you know?
The people here at Central are welcoming. They put on their face of happiness. They hide their judgement of you for later, after you have turned your back. They put on a front that they want to talk to you, but if you look deep into their mind you see that they would rather be anywhere else besides here, in this place with you. They want to be with their friends, not you their non-friend. To them you are stuck in this limbo between friend and nuisance. "No I'm not avoiding you I've just been busy lately." Lies of a non-friend. You notice she hasn't talked to you in a week and every time you call her there is no response and if you chose to txt her you receive one word answers or none at all.
How does one try to fix this. Everything you try seems wrong. It is not as if you can force a friendship upon someone, and you can not just ignore the person in hopes they miss you. You are stuck in your own limbo between aggressive and passive actions, with no solution in sight.
I've tried to just forget, but when you see her everyday its hard to forget. The movies you watched, walks taken, all of these become only fond memories from a time in which she cared. Maybe you can succeed by avoiding seeing her, but any relief of pain is only temporary. The next time her face comes into view I am instantly forced to deal with all the miss-matched feelings for her.
You probably realize by now that this girl I speak of wasn't just a friend in my mind, I wanted more. I wanted to tell her my secrets, let her see me in all lights. I frequently thought of her when I was cold at night, her imaginary warmth next to me. We were close for a while, but now it is as if an unsurpassable rift has formed between me and her.
The people here at Central are welcoming. They put on their face of happiness. They hide their judgement of you for later, after you have turned your back. They put on a front that they want to talk to you, but if you look deep into their mind you see that they would rather be anywhere else besides here, in this place with you. They want to be with their friends, not you their non-friend. To them you are stuck in this limbo between friend and nuisance. "No I'm not avoiding you I've just been busy lately." Lies of a non-friend. You notice she hasn't talked to you in a week and every time you call her there is no response and if you chose to txt her you receive one word answers or none at all.
How does one try to fix this. Everything you try seems wrong. It is not as if you can force a friendship upon someone, and you can not just ignore the person in hopes they miss you. You are stuck in your own limbo between aggressive and passive actions, with no solution in sight.
I've tried to just forget, but when you see her everyday its hard to forget. The movies you watched, walks taken, all of these become only fond memories from a time in which she cared. Maybe you can succeed by avoiding seeing her, but any relief of pain is only temporary. The next time her face comes into view I am instantly forced to deal with all the miss-matched feelings for her.
You probably realize by now that this girl I speak of wasn't just a friend in my mind, I wanted more. I wanted to tell her my secrets, let her see me in all lights. I frequently thought of her when I was cold at night, her imaginary warmth next to me. We were close for a while, but now it is as if an unsurpassable rift has formed between me and her.
