Sometimes I just feel so lost. I haven't seen you in three weeks. It's so depressing. In the past 4 years I have seen you for maybe 1. I feel like I have completely imagined you- like you are a figment of my imagination. I feel like you're not real anymore. I talk to you on the phone everyday, but you feel so far away. I feel like you are slipping though my fingers. I lost you once already, and I am so scared that it's going to happen again. I feel like we don't talk anymore, like we can't say what we need to say because it's so impersonal. I hate the telephone, but at the same time, it's all we have right now. And I hate it. You sound so sad on the other line, so lost in a deep depression that I can't even begin to help you out of. And all I ever wanted to do was make you happy, and I feel like I am the reason you are so sad. You're life sounds likes its imploding, and at it's very core, I stand there, looking lost and confused, and incapable of helping. I feel terrible. I miss you so much. I want to sleep next to you, and wake up next to you, and feel your breath on my neck, and your kiss on my lips, and your hands on my hips! Why is that so god damn complicated these days. Why can't I see my own boyfriend, and spend time with him like best friends are supposed to. Fucking school, fucking responsibility, fucking money! All of these reasons are completely ridiculous. What do they mean to me compared to him? Absolutely nothing. Yet here I sit, and my desk, 4 hours away doing what? Meaningless busy work. All for what? I don't even know. I am tens of thousands of dollars in debt, car-less, jobless, and moneyless. I am not loveless though--that is the one thing I have I guess.