She rolled over and felt the empty space in the bed. Still not there. Never there. Was never here. Staring at the ceiling in the dim light of morning, Ella tried to clear her mind of the usual negative thoughts. Sometimes it worked. Today was the day it didn't. Those thoughts that people think when dawn is approaching are the ones that keep you from ever getting back to sleep. Why am I still alone? How will I pay my bills? My mother is dying. I'm going to lose my job. If you're lucky only of these thoughts persists. For Ella, all of these thoughts loomed. Her mother was really the biggest worry. Having been diagnosed with terminal cancer two months ago, her mother was barely able to sustain the energy for Ella's daily visits. Sometimes Ella ended up just holding her mother's hand and watching her sleep.
Her mother was her last family left. Her father had died five years ago in a car crash. He had hit a telephone pole. Alcohol had been involved which was not news to Ella or her mother. Ella was an only child with a few cousins but none of them close. Her aunts and uncles lived across the country and her mother's only sibling, Uncle Jerry, lived in Australia. He hadn't seen his sister since Ella's father's funeral. Ella had called him to let him know about his sister's prognosis but he had been so unmoved. Perhaps in shock but as far as Ella knew Uncle Jerry had yet to contact his dying sister.
Ella turned on her side and faced the wall. Her job was on the line. She had been written up three times for being late and twice for not finishing her assigned work. One more strike on either of those and she was out. I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing, she sighed. I hate it there. I've explained to them my state of mind due to my mother but they just don't care.
Luckily for Ella today was Saturday. Her only obligation was to see her mother. Depending on her mom, she might stay for an hour or for several. Even if she told her mom that she didn't mind being there while her mom was asleep, her mom felt bad for sleeping. It was better to just not have her mom use her energy on guilt. So, depending on that, Ella thought about how she could spend the rest of the day.
Her mother was her last family left. Her father had died five years ago in a car crash. He had hit a telephone pole. Alcohol had been involved which was not news to Ella or her mother. Ella was an only child with a few cousins but none of them close. Her aunts and uncles lived across the country and her mother's only sibling, Uncle Jerry, lived in Australia. He hadn't seen his sister since Ella's father's funeral. Ella had called him to let him know about his sister's prognosis but he had been so unmoved. Perhaps in shock but as far as Ella knew Uncle Jerry had yet to contact his dying sister.
Ella turned on her side and faced the wall. Her job was on the line. She had been written up three times for being late and twice for not finishing her assigned work. One more strike on either of those and she was out. I'm not sure that would be such a bad thing, she sighed. I hate it there. I've explained to them my state of mind due to my mother but they just don't care.
Luckily for Ella today was Saturday. Her only obligation was to see her mother. Depending on her mom, she might stay for an hour or for several. Even if she told her mom that she didn't mind being there while her mom was asleep, her mom felt bad for sleeping. It was better to just not have her mom use her energy on guilt. So, depending on that, Ella thought about how she could spend the rest of the day.
