Another Sunday night - how little I think of these days and their endless repetition. Now I am years older, but not wiser. I feel more frozen, heavy. My vocabulary has declined, perhaps in order for me appear the same as the other collegiate girls. I say I am an English major, but now I've even stopped cringing at myself when I used a wrong past tense and stutter my words, leaving them hanging

Sleep and thought slip like sand through my fingers. The tighter I try to hold on the faster it drops to the ground. I have become used to an ache behind my eyelids and a soreness in my chest. The dizziness that frightened me at first is now a constant companion.
I have grown a soft little paunch like a little child - oh how much I feel like a child now! I have gone back to understanding nothing and expressing myself poorly and not able to make a single simple decision. I despise my current state and yet there is a yearning in it too. But I know for sure: there is no in between.