I'd like to think I saw a little laughter in your eyes, even through all the distance and the pain. All those machines, pumping and thumping to keep you alive. You were beautiful still, and beautiful in your stillness though tragic in this moment. I wished I could see you smile.

I was preparing to drive across the country when I heard what had happened to you. My heart ached. I think I spent a day in shock, telling myself that this had not really happened. I drove across the country thinking of the time I would spend by your side, talking with you, hoping that my presence would draw you back from the brink. I still remember the last day we spent together, and the joy we shared. You had always been so kind to me.

So many nights I spent in your arms, just feeling the comfort of a close friend. After all I had been through, you understood what it meant to be there for me. To hold me, but not ask anything of me. We spent so many nights talking and laughing, and I slept so well next to you.

Now I do my best to be there for you, when and how I can from so far away, and you are still there for me, even through all that has happened. We share words, thoughts and laughter. I still don't believe you are positive, even though I know its true. How can one person take on so much pain and yet still smile like you do? You are like a buddhist monk sometimes. I miss you, and your smile.

You came to see me, during your travelling the country to find yourself after the accident. We laughed so much. Its amazing how even that short time after your recovery, I could find glimpses of you. The smiling joker and trickster that had captured hy heart all those years ago. We walked from my house down to the beach and laughed and held each other like not a moment had passed from the day you drove away. We shaved your head, taking those old dirty dreads away. That memory sticks in my head so strongly, just like you will always have a place in my heart.