Mon 22 November 2010, cont'd
So I have a lot of feelings so I get more than one page tonight.
I guess because we made things official and that was such a big step, I kind of assumed that you were getting over old issues a bit more than you actually are, which was stupid of me. Shaun is telling me now not to go all in emotionally with you until I'm sure you can seriously commit, because otherwise I'll get my heart broken....same thing my mom said. These are the people who know me too well. But like I said, I don't really know how *not* to do that, especially with someone like you who's so amazing (apart from this stuff). So I don't know. I don't want to try and pull back at this point, because that would suck for both of us. But I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate this all and not get burned.
Sigh. I like you a lot.....more than you know, and more than I'm letting on. And I don't want to stop liking you. I'm just afraid now of getting my heart broken, and I don't want that to affect us, and I'll try to not let it. I think I'm just being emo. And I can't just tell you to figure shit out, because that's not fair. I've been where you are, and it's not fair to expect you to just skip forward until you've gotten things figured out. The waiting just kind of sucks. But if it comes down to waiting in this kind of sucky place, and still getting to be with you, versus not being with you at all, I know which I'll pick. Because despite all of this, I still like you a lot, I like who we are when we're around us, and I don't want that to change. So I guess we'll just take it a day at a time?
So I have a lot of feelings so I get more than one page tonight.
I guess because we made things official and that was such a big step, I kind of assumed that you were getting over old issues a bit more than you actually are, which was stupid of me. Shaun is telling me now not to go all in emotionally with you until I'm sure you can seriously commit, because otherwise I'll get my heart broken....same thing my mom said. These are the people who know me too well. But like I said, I don't really know how *not* to do that, especially with someone like you who's so amazing (apart from this stuff). So I don't know. I don't want to try and pull back at this point, because that would suck for both of us. But I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate this all and not get burned.
Sigh. I like you a lot.....more than you know, and more than I'm letting on. And I don't want to stop liking you. I'm just afraid now of getting my heart broken, and I don't want that to affect us, and I'll try to not let it. I think I'm just being emo. And I can't just tell you to figure shit out, because that's not fair. I've been where you are, and it's not fair to expect you to just skip forward until you've gotten things figured out. The waiting just kind of sucks. But if it comes down to waiting in this kind of sucky place, and still getting to be with you, versus not being with you at all, I know which I'll pick. Because despite all of this, I still like you a lot, I like who we are when we're around us, and I don't want that to change. So I guess we'll just take it a day at a time?
