I open my eyes to darkness. No, not darkness. You can't have darkness without light, and there was not even a blur of light in my vision. This wasn't darkness. This was nothingness. I began to breathe heavily, my chest rising and falling fast and hard. I tried to sit up, but my arms and legs couldn't move. It felt like they were being held down by something. "Help!" I yelled out into the void. I was answered by my own echoes and nothing more. I was scared...more than I already was. I didn't know where I was or what was going on. "Somebody help me!" I yelled again. It hurt my throat to yell, it was horribly dry. I began to struggle, trying to free myself from whatever was keeping me held down. I gained nothing from this, however, as it was a futile effort. Whatever I was bound by was not going to give to mere twisting and turning. I think that it was at about this point when I began to cry. I was helpless, confused, scared. What else could I have done? No one had answered my calls for help and I wasn't going to be able to free myself. So I cried. I cried for a long time. Then I began to smell it. The putrid stink of death and decay. It was faint at first, but it quickly grew stronger. It was as if whatever was creating the smell was right on top of me. Then everything lit up. For a brief moment, I could see. What I saw though, I can't even begin to comprehend. A split second glance at where ever I was told me more than I could ever learn if I had an infinite amount of time. It was filthy. Unclean. Horrid. There are so many words to describe what I saw in that sliver of time, but the best way to summarize it would be for you to imagine a girl who has lost her innocence in the worst way possible. The next moment, I was staring at a ceiling...my ceiling. I was in my bedroom in my bed. It was a dream. I moved my left hand to my head; it was covered in sweat. My clothes were drenched as well and my bedsheets were damp. Looking at my watch, I saw that it was only 1:00 in the morning. With a sigh, I got up and began to de-clothe my bed, then made my way to the laundry room. I threw my clothes and sheets into the washer and sluggishly made my way to the bathroom. I felt sick and hoped that a warm shower would make the feeling go away. Opening the door to the bathroom, I stopped and stared at myself in the mirror. Eyes bloodshot, face sunken, hair disheveled. I was a mess.

I went closer and stared harder at myself. I laughed, "You're pathetic," I said to myself. "I know," I responed, "I am the worst." I turned away from the mirror and stepped inside my shower, not even bothering to let the water heat up before getting in. I paid no attention to the frigid water as it washed away the sweat and grime that ha