snippet from 2017
page 365 of 365

So.. another year has flown by. I will be 20 soon. WOw???? wtf.

Lets start the year review now. This year was full of new and raw emotions. Let's see...

At the beginning of the year, I was still upset with mine and Kevin's relationship. I remember the nights where I would think about us breaking up - I was planning on going to his house and taking a walk in the park and sitting on the bench and telling him we needed to break up. That's exactly how I imagined it - I basically knew it was going to happen. And it was painful, so so painful that I would cry every time I thought about it. I was in a relationship with someone who didn't love me and was somewhat insensitive to my feelings. But hey, I stuck with that shitty feeling of blandness and just accepting that the relationship was pretty much temporary, throughout half the year. I guess the feeling got worse when we had to stop seeing each other for like 2 months to revise for our A Levels and he just wouldn't speak to me for hours on end. I would feel sad about it and would raise it to him. But he wouldn't do much about it. And I just accepted that. Then I remember how excited we were to see each other again after exams. Oh, exams were super stressful too. I also got the Sainbury's job, which was nice. I made about £400+ in that job, loved it.

Then it was results day - a day before Vietnam. I was super super excited that I got into York. Oh, let's talk about York. I remember going to the post-offer application day in York and meeting Kaylan there. It was a fun day. And then Kiera (from the Bath group chat) added me into the York group chat and I just started speaking to people there. And then I remember seeing this asian guy called Matt wanting to be added onto the York group chat, and I even remember saying hi to him?? Then we started to revise chemistry together on a smaller group chat, and then we decided to move into DMs so that we wouldn't annoy everyone else. Then he suddenly started to ask me about what he should do with these two girls he liked. And I was like, what a player hahaaha. But obviosuly, I was with at Kevin at that time. We talked quite a bit throughout the summer as well, but I was with Kevin and he liked Laura back then, so i didn't think much about him. I remember him telling me that his brother thought I was his girlfriend hahaha. And then Laura kissed someone at a party, he got hurt and broke it off with her, and dropped a goodbye present off for her. Oh, I also remember him asking the group chat what he should get for her birthday. It was those two occasions where I was like, wow I wish Kevin would do something like that. I felt bad about comparing, to be honest, but I sometimes I wished Kevin would care more about me.

Anyway. Vietnam happened and I had a good time. Came back and went to Alton Towers. Things went downhill with Kevin then, because he got super moody that he had to pay £5 for the metro. And he ignored me for the whole day after. I spoke to him the following day, and we broke up. I cried a lot and we called each other for the last time and I felt shit for like 2 weeks. It felt like I had just lost a best friend. And then York fresher's happened and I had a good time, I had to ignore Kevin's messages bc I wanted to have a good time. It was around that time when I started to speak to Kai more as well. We would invite each other to each other's rooms and watch movies. Looking back, it was so so awkward. We would sit like 10 feet apart from each other and we would avoid any sort of contact ahahhaha. Then I remember Kevin deleting everything from his fb (including his pp of us) and I cried, I panicked and messaged him. I apologised and then we video called. That was the last time we video called tbh. I spoke to Kai more and more each day, as well. But I didn't want to like him because I didn;t want us to be each other;s rebounds, and I thought he was a player. And of course, I lowkey fancied Alex ( I remember how happy I felt the first time I ever spoke to him), and Kai and I started flirting loads toward the end of October. We refer to the night as "cuddle night" when we were wrestling and I just ended up lying on his arms while we played The Sims on my tablet and watched Jun's kitchen. I still didn't want to fall for
him though, I was like,.... this is what best friends do.. right?

We started to flirt so much after that ahahha. Then he kissed me and I felt butterflies and fireworks, and all things good. It was the first time ever feeling that, ever. And we just grew closer and closer. (Remember when he asked me "what are we" and I kept avoiding it lol) We agreed to take things slow and to talk about labels after Christmas. We went to the Christmas market together (I slipped and fell while running for the bus lol), and we went to prom together. We kissed under the lamppost while it was snowing and we had pizza while watching Interstellar and fell asleep at 2am. Frankly, I had the best time with him, and I can't wait to be with him again in York.

I went to Prague and Poland with Yujin and Jamie, we messed around and it was fun sightseeing. I came back and video called Kai almost every night. We couldn't bear not seeing each other for like a month, so he visited me in Birmingham and we had the cutest date ever, kissing in the museum, coffee and hot choco date at Starbuck's, ("NO CANOODLING!!!!!!" in the library lol) Turtle Bay at the end . Which brings us to now. I feel like it's wrong for me to fall and love someone this much (like in my last post), but I feel like I deserve it. I've never felt like this with anyone before, and I might regret saying this in the future, but right now, I feel like he is THE ONE (he told me this too ahhahaha). I just love him so so so much. And that's my year wrapped up. Adios, future Kayi. I'll try and update you in the future.


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