I never understand why anyone would be okay with eating fast food every day. On the rare occasions I am desperate enough to dare and enter the slop house known as McDonald's, I almost need to turn around and leave. Just look at these people; their mouths are lined with grease like some sort of slippery lipstick applied without a mirror. I can just picture their skin crying... suffocating under the impenetrable slime coating it. I can feel what they're feeling like the grease is flying off their faces onto mine with each grinding chew of beef. It ruins my appetite. Why doesn't it ruin theirs? Now, I hope this doesn't sound as though I am mercilessly bashing people who eat at any sort of fast food joint, while I admit I am criticizing the select number who fit this description, especially those who bring their children along to add links to this never-ending chain of obesity and American stereotyping (thank you, rest of planet earth). Honestly, that is really what gets to me more than anything: obese parents bringing their obese children to the haven of cholesterol and high fructose corn syrup. These piglets scarf down mountains of meat and fried potatoes so that they can put their greasy fingers all over the cheap toy prize found at the bottom of the Pandora's Box that is a Happy Meal (not to mention the fact that they probably used their yellowing teeth to rip open the plastic encasement around the toy). When these kids grow up to have heart disease and diabetes by the time they're thirty-five, I only hope they'll look back at these meals and kick their retrospective selves.
I never want to end things on a negative note, though I suppose a happily ever after for someone growing up on Happy Meals is unlikely, so I will offer these bits of advice: Super sizing is unnecessary. There are other meals in the day for you to eat, there's no need to eat seven Egg McMuffins in a four minute time span. If your kids are asking for a Happy Meal because there is an awesome finger bike as a prize, spend the extra cash and save your child's health by buying them a real bike. If you must cave, please have some self-control and keep the trips through the drive through to a minimum. Finally, considering there will always be eaters on the go, please for the love of all that is beautiful, wipe your mouth when you eat. Thank you.