Worst relaxation tape ever:
Lay, down now.
Shhhh.
Calm. Everything is calm.
You can feel your whole body relaxing. From your shoulder to the tips of your fingers. You are so relaxed that the doobie falls through your fingers onto the floor at your bedside.
Never mind those noises. The dooberoo must have fallen on your cat, that's all.
What, you don't own a cat? Hm. Must be a rat.
Now relax from the waist down. You feel your waist relax, your breath deeper. Relax the right leg, feel the calm trickle down all the way to the toes.
Now relax the chainsaw that replaced the your left leg after you spent that Summer in Delaware fighting evil. Yes, Summer of 2011, remember that? When Head Witch O'Donell almost succeded in bringing all the Salem Witches back from the Netherworld? Good times!
Now that your body is relaxed, focus on your breathing.
Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Exhale. Exhale. Idiot! Now you're chocking! Remember to inhale. It's like you were raised by goats. But not normal goats, goats that were much dumber than normal goats.
Creepiest relaxation tape ever:
Continue to relax your scrumptious body.
That's write, you've got it. M-hm. Now imagine my voice is right by you.
Yes, closer... now... closer... m-hmmmm.
Lay, down now.
Shhhh.
Calm. Everything is calm.
You can feel your whole body relaxing. From your shoulder to the tips of your fingers. You are so relaxed that the doobie falls through your fingers onto the floor at your bedside.
Never mind those noises. The dooberoo must have fallen on your cat, that's all.
What, you don't own a cat? Hm. Must be a rat.
Now relax from the waist down. You feel your waist relax, your breath deeper. Relax the right leg, feel the calm trickle down all the way to the toes.
Now relax the chainsaw that replaced the your left leg after you spent that Summer in Delaware fighting evil. Yes, Summer of 2011, remember that? When Head Witch O'Donell almost succeded in bringing all the Salem Witches back from the Netherworld? Good times!
Now that your body is relaxed, focus on your breathing.
Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Exhale. Exhale. Idiot! Now you're chocking! Remember to inhale. It's like you were raised by goats. But not normal goats, goats that were much dumber than normal goats.
Creepiest relaxation tape ever:
Continue to relax your scrumptious body.
That's write, you've got it. M-hm. Now imagine my voice is right by you.
Yes, closer... now... closer... m-hmmmm.
